Stillness Disrupted, an Afterthought

A Story by Eileen

Abstracted reflections on how others have attempted to shake me from my natural way of being, to disrespect my free solidarity, and to gain my attention through harassment or verbal abuse or worse.

Often time people who are insecure are envious of others with a greater sense of security. You're secure in your stillness, your own confident quiet calm, yet there are people who see this and feel a rage because they observe that your stillness does not dissolve and sway to their presence.

They want their presence be felt by you, thus they would sometimes go out of their ways to disturb you, say things that aren't of their business and outside of their subjective jurisdiction, deliberately engage in viscous behaviors, in an attempt to make themselves be felt, by you.

They envy your secureness in yourself, one that is without needing to demonstrate acts of grandiosity to the world, without feeling like you need to prove yourself--but that doesn't sit right with a lot of people.

So sometimes I become swayed, since I am only human and can only take so much, but after such attempts to taint my world and affect me cease in their own time, I look back into myself to seek that stillness, once again.

And at the end I've found it.

After I do, everything becomes clear.

Confidence doesn't have to be loud. One's uniqueness and differences require no explanation.

Only those who hurl insult at and try to abase the normality or value of these personal attributes of the quiet souls, truly need to be examined.

Every different sort of individual deserves respect for their differences, as long as they don't interfere with others' lives.

My focus in life is simply trying to be me. Even the world uniqueness bothers me because it seems to imply some form of showmanship.

I'm not showy and I'm not trying to show you that I'm different. I can't help but be different but I really would like to not care what you think, though I am considerate of others' feelings, and there are many times when others would do and say things as if they want me to care what they'd feel toward my actions, and myself in being me naturally.

I don't understand how people can be agitated and grow angry toward me because they can tell that their presence or opinions don't affect me, that they don't dazzle me.

Only those who possess the kind of greatness that are worthy of my attention will receive my voluntary attention and perhaps appreciation. When intrusive ones want to force me to give my attention even though they are that worthy of it, I end up returning the favor with a different kind of attention: one brewed from repulsion and laced with disdain. I will give you that kind of attention to feed into your desperate and sensitive ego just to get rid of your sight, and it's also my way of asking you: "How are you not ashamed of yourself for seeking others' attention and feigned approval this badly?"

I simply don't care about their opinions about the way I am. I have opinions about every person, but I don't care to force them onto anyone or for them to be felt at any degree. I’d say one of my mottos to such intrusive individuals is: I leave you alone, and you do the same.

© 2017 Eileen

Author's Note

Typed out on my cellphone in a haste with no edit. Probably lots of structural problems. Meh.

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Reviews

keith

i have seen your message ... well said.
your pen, paper and purpose match well.
are you planning to post your illustrations in the photo section? i find what i am able to view most intriguing.