Fableland

Fableland

A Book by firabelle
"

After Stella Lyra has her heart broken by one of her closest friends, she is kidnapped into the land of Fableland, where all stories come together.

"

© 2016 firabelle



Author's Note

firabelle
Any and all comments are REALLY appreciated!

My Review

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Featured Review

I read your prologue & 3 chapters . . . all in all, your writing & storytelling are strong & you have a unique voice that comes across as pleasant to read, drawing the reader along thru the chapters. Your use of dialogue is especially well-done, something that most young writers avoid, but it's one of the best ways to develop your characters. I do feel I'm getting to know your characters & I feel interested in their lives & sympathetic to their points of view.

Here are a few places where I felt a slight lack of continuity . . .
For the longest time, it was unclear where this story is set. The prologue sounds like ancient times with royalty & peasants. Finally, in mid-chp2, we find out "Dublin". Normally you do a good job using analogies to round out your descriptions, but in chp1, being out cold as a bachelor in Las Vegas left me baffled -- these characters seem to be a world away from LV & it doesn't feel congruous for them to be comparing their perceptions to such an out-of-context place & situation. Similarly, this vague distinction from chp2 imparts very little for the reader to visualize or relate to: "I got into actual clothes instead of my bumming around clothes"

Lastly, while I truly did enjoy reading the prologue & first 3 chapters, there really wasn't anything intriguing or curiosity-provoking that propelled the reader to want to know what happens next. It just felt like lazy, idle reading for the sake of comfortable storytelling. It wasn't until the end of chp3 that you finally give us some suspense, some reason to suspect there's a purpose for all this literary wandering along thru seemingly disparate scenarios. I think there needs to be something more compelling, sooner in the story, becuz these days people don't read for pleasure. They're trained by sound bytes on all media sources, so if you don't snag their curiosity very quickly, they're going to be off to the next three million choices of things to focus their attention on.

I don't mean all this to outweigh the overall excellent writing, dialogue, & storytelling that represents the majority of your write, tho. Your writing is years beyond your stated age.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

firabelle

2 Years Ago

Thanks so much! Yeah, I'm from America, and when I'm writing in/about a foreign place, I guess It r.. read more



Reviews

I read your prologue & 3 chapters . . . all in all, your writing & storytelling are strong & you have a unique voice that comes across as pleasant to read, drawing the reader along thru the chapters. Your use of dialogue is especially well-done, something that most young writers avoid, but it's one of the best ways to develop your characters. I do feel I'm getting to know your characters & I feel interested in their lives & sympathetic to their points of view.

Here are a few places where I felt a slight lack of continuity . . .
For the longest time, it was unclear where this story is set. The prologue sounds like ancient times with royalty & peasants. Finally, in mid-chp2, we find out "Dublin". Normally you do a good job using analogies to round out your descriptions, but in chp1, being out cold as a bachelor in Las Vegas left me baffled -- these characters seem to be a world away from LV & it doesn't feel congruous for them to be comparing their perceptions to such an out-of-context place & situation. Similarly, this vague distinction from chp2 imparts very little for the reader to visualize or relate to: "I got into actual clothes instead of my bumming around clothes"

Lastly, while I truly did enjoy reading the prologue & first 3 chapters, there really wasn't anything intriguing or curiosity-provoking that propelled the reader to want to know what happens next. It just felt like lazy, idle reading for the sake of comfortable storytelling. It wasn't until the end of chp3 that you finally give us some suspense, some reason to suspect there's a purpose for all this literary wandering along thru seemingly disparate scenarios. I think there needs to be something more compelling, sooner in the story, becuz these days people don't read for pleasure. They're trained by sound bytes on all media sources, so if you don't snag their curiosity very quickly, they're going to be off to the next three million choices of things to focus their attention on.

I don't mean all this to outweigh the overall excellent writing, dialogue, & storytelling that represents the majority of your write, tho. Your writing is years beyond your stated age.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

firabelle

2 Years Ago

Thanks so much! Yeah, I'm from America, and when I'm writing in/about a foreign place, I guess It r.. read more

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Added on May 19, 2016
Last Updated on June 10, 2016
Tags: Fantasy, Fiction, Romance, Gods, Goddesses, Greeks, Romans, Teen, War, Fairytales, Faerytales, Sci-fi, Science Fictions, Fairy Tales

Author

firabelle
firabelle

Ann Arbor, , MI



About
I'ma high school student who loves shakespeare, classics, and fantasy/fiction, as well as writing. I'm looking to get my writing out there, and I thought this was the best place for it! more..

Writing
Anything Anything

A Poem by firabelle


Prologue Prologue

A Chapter by firabelle