Concept of Heaven

O, you martyr of all
     the angels
~                                 ~
Simply spread your
     wings and fly into
     the wall
~                                 ~
You never know with
     you immortals
~                                 ~
You could be here
     one day and then
     the next you're
     just gone

You never knew that I
knew, did you? / You thought
I was just a stupid boy /
You thought to yourself
you could use me as
your toy / But I
understand the concept
of Heaven / I know
that not everyone is
going / So quit playing
like I can stay with
you / You know you're
gone tomorrow /

You always play with
my emotions / You don't
have to sugarcoat
anything / I know some
people go to Hell / They
told me that in
church / Sometimes it
hurts / But I
understand / I really
do understand /

I know about demons
and guardian angels / I
know they're not real /
I know they're just
stories to make me
feel better / It's still
hard to sleep / I can't
keep it up / I know
you're the only real
thing that keeps me
here / Heaven is just
a glass of beer

Reviews

[H.]

The face of naivete that you don for this narrative is great. It's like you're a preteen raving on to some hippie trying to tell you that we're all special and we're all great and God favors us over everyone else. As much as I want to have that glass of beer with you, it's still a pretty depressing ending. Must admit.

[Morgan Ashire]

It's a bit unrefined, but I can personally relate to the overall, albeit, loosely worded theme here. You broke rhyme enough to warrant this to be a free style piece. Because its freestyle, you don't have to stretch for rhymes. I think the few that you inserted seemed forced and unnecessary. I suggest a rewrite using more descriptive words, but keep it in the free form. For this piece at least, it seems to work better.

[Mitchell J.U.]

Heaven is a glass of BEER! I love it david

[Cats Eye]

A very interesting way to put this, and yet in a way it is true, I enjoyed reading this piece of your work.