F-Bomb: This is how I feel

How can I,
How can I stop writing
about you?
When you,
You are the only
thing that doesn't make
me blue.
So hold on, hold on
until I'm through with
You are, you are the
greatest one to
Bleed out, bleed out the
mass infections
Scream out, scream out
in my direction

I want to die, but I
don't want to die
It's because of girls
it's because of the
world
Sleep / don't / cut out the
sleep yet
Please / don't / cut off
your fingers
You / want / me there for
yourself
But I've a heart that
is way too big

Where do I,
Where do I go without
you?
When you,
You are the only thing
that in my life isn't so
blue.
Wakeup, wakeup, look to
the blue
Skywards, skywards, the
birds all fly to
Scream out, scream out all
these bombs and
Bleed out, bleed out until
you're calm

I want to die, but I
don't want to die
It's because of girls
it's because of the
world
Sleep / don't / cut out the
sleep yet
Please / don't / cut off
your fingers
You / want / me there for
yourself
But I've a heart that
is way too big

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

I found this a little vague and hard to follow, but the style is, nevertheless, quite original. I really like your idea of seeming to leave one line unfinished and then picking it up in the next line - somehow it's a little more than normal enjambment, so the capitalization works to your advantage. The repetition of lines is a nice touch too, although I'm still a little puzzled about why the girl in question might lose her fingers.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This is like a stalactite, brittle and beautiful and dripping in passion but waiting to crash to the floor of the cavern. Love, what we perceive as love can be cold.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Such passion, the refrence of telling her not to cut off her fingers is in line of someones passion so strong they want to show their love with self infliction, and the love is so pure he wants her whole. Well written.

[Rosary]

i like this sounds like it would make a good song but i think the structure of it has messed up the flow when your readings so thats the only thing i would suggest with this piece

[Niki Disaster]

I like this, because I can relate on a certain level. There are things in life that are both a reason to keep living and contemporaneously the reason that we suffer. I really read it more as a song then just a poem, I can almost hear it playing in my head...

The formatting is appropriate and the usage of metaphors and imagery is perfect. Great Job!

[M@]

I like this, mainly because the word usage is incredibly playful. I can tell you have fun with it; it flows naturally through the piece.

I like how you end some thoughts unfinished, only to pick up the end as a new thought on another line. Makes one think about the end of beginnings and the beginning of ends. The repetition is also well justified, since you only repeat a word twice and then let it be, just enough to get the points you want across with careful and interesting word usage.

This is a rather lyrical poem. While I could read it as a poem, I also read it as a song. I'm not sure what you were intending when you wrote this, but it works either way.

[Will B.]

Interesting format and very original! The portrayal of heartbreak is very real as well as well understood by many. Well done.