El corazon de la Muneca

"Sabado estupido,"

said Pablo the squire,

"¿What good is

                  el burro

if he catches on fire?"

And he rode into

the night, ablaze

with desire. No

need for water: his

corazon is in el aire.

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

Okay this is the fifth or sixth time I've read this (it's getting close to the contest deadline so I'm rereading obsessively) and I found a few things I didn't catch before. You should probably have some sort of punctuation mark after "water." If it were me I'd probably use a dash or a colon. Also, although I love the last two lines, the rhythm is a little out of sync with the rest of the poem, and that's disappointing since it's such a well-paced piece. The best fix I can come up with is to get rid of the "is" - it'll even out the flow and the verb is sort of already implied.

Once again, marvelous job on this piece. I'm extremely impressed that you managed to fit so many awesome poetic devices into something so short!

[Emily Rose]

This is delightful! In all honesty I don't know Spanish so I had to look up the translations, but your mixing of languages is wonderful and adds a whole other dimension to your work. It's sweet and provocative and it's great fun to read out loud - the rhythm and rhyme are impeccable. Well done!

[Haleemaaisha]

Me gusta. Me amora el espanol

[H.]

Ingenious adage. What good is an a*s if he catches on fire? It can do none of that back-breaking work for which you need it. But what it represents? Perhaps the logical mind, which must labor within the bounds of reason and solve problems efficiently?

At least that's how I read it--the heart's desire consumes the mind, setting it aflame. But of course, there's no desire to extinguish it.