The Night

Come, they said.

So we went, our hands in our pockets,

Not around each other’s waists.

Ready, but hesitant. Hopeful, but afraid,

We went.

We followed them

Into the night.

 

Certain things remind us

Of time long gone by

Like those trees, in the daylight,

Looked so different.

Now the smoke of tobacco and other plants

Blossoms in the night.

And clumsy laughter, goosebumped arms, retching in bushes -

This is not new to us

But more familiar in the context of

Playgrounds and theme parks.

 

I know you did not want to go

As we captured the fading sunset

Boats heading into twilight.

We wished we could rewind to day

It was so simple. Our memories illuminated with

Picture-book clarity.

The world is darker at night.

 

The dim lights seem to

Amplify emotions

Or maybe that’s the alcohol.

Surrounded by warm bodies,

Shouted conversations,

I feel curiously alone.

But there -  

                                there you are.

Even in the night,

you haven’t changed a bit.

 

Our thoughts are smothered by the alluring night.

Hazy, smoky, grey,

like the charcoal you used in art class.

The night is smudged lines,

frantic scribbles

Carefully traced outlines.

And somehow, like shading so precise,

Black naturally turns to white.

 

The sun rises through your open window

We bathe in morning light

It feels like

a distant memory

After staying up all night

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at writing, please let me know what you think!

Reviews

[Katie Alexander]

This is one of the best poems I've ever read. You are so talented and if I was judging that poetry contest....you would have won. Your imagery is vivid without being forced, which is difficult for a lot of poets but effortless in this piece.

[Madison O'Dwyer]

Congratulations on winning second place in my poetry contest with this fantastic piece. I reread this poem many times as I cut down the finalists and it continued to grip me. It had some splendorous moments of raw clarity and picturesque imagery.

Some highlights of the poem for me were:
"Come, they said.
So we went, our hands in our pockets,
Not around each other’s waists.
Ready, but hesitant. Hopeful, but afraid."

"Our memories illuminated with
Picture-book clarity.
The world is darker at night."

And this was my absolute favorite stanza, and a strong influence in your placing.
"Our thoughts are smothered by the alluring night.
Hazy, smoky, grey,
like the charcoal you used in art class.
The night is smudged lines,
frantic scribbles
Carefully traced outlines.
And somehow, like shading so precise,
Black naturally turns to white."

My only critique would be, "now the smoke of tobacco and other plants." The line breaks the flow a little but also, the vagueness of "other plants" breaks the imagery. But that is just for picky me :)

Overall, beautiful poem. Thanks so much for sharing, it is beautiful.

[honeyjoy]

Thank you so much for the opportunity to enter the contest and the review! The "other plants" refer to marijuana, haha, maybe that wasn't as obvious as I would have liked.
The fifth stanza is my favourite too :) I'll work on making the rest of them like it.

Again, thanks so much Madison!

[Carissa Faulk]

Wow, beautiful. Effortless, and seeping with fate and memory and inevitability and sadness and excitement and resignation and just a gorgeous collage of emotion, like growing up always is. This is wonderful.