In Parting

I want to let you know just how much I think of you my love. For my love for you began the very first day I saw you sitting across from me at the diner. We were so young then and were unsure of what was to come. Your hair was so golden and feathery. Obviously let it go where the winds would take it. When we stole those glances and gazed into each others souls. It was then I knew my heart was only going to be for you.

 

There was never a dull moment with you. You always wanted to make our lives exciting. We traveled so far and wide. I do not beleive an island has not heard the joys of your laughter. The next best day of knowing you was on such a vacation in France. Touring the country side we stopped at a hill. Watched as the sun settled its light. It was then you drew me down to your eyes. As you knelt beside me holding my hand. Those tears and smile could mean no other, you bestowed upon me your love and devotion. I do, I do. I could not reply with no other words. Your kiss was most sweet that evening not chaste. It was then we bound our souls more to each other like no other night possessed.

 

It was only the beginning of the life we share. The house we built to suit our union of love, was always a thrill to find just what you loved to fit just there. The colors, the hues, the mantle, and chairs. They all made our home a haven from our woes. The safety and peace we never faltered to provide to each other. The love was not waning but growing in cadence to a beat we made of our own.

 

The weekends spent in the garden we grew everything we wanted to use for our meals. We had fun with the food we prepared with such care. The kitchen was not safe from your wildly craze. Food became our passion as passion never could compete. Nibbling and doting on each others whims of more. I think I was fed more by your hand then my own hand nourished myself. The table was a feast but not always of what to eat. Those were the nights we cherished each others company. The topics and talks were always the best time for us. We could talk about anything, and share our deepest thoughts.

 

We had fun, we had tears, but most of all we had each other. I held you as you cried, and you cried with me when I could not. I could never let you go to bed with your heart so out of touch. Im sorry. Im sorry. I did not mean to hurt you my love. Forgive me, please forgive me. I never went to bed without you in my embrace. Our love would not sunder because of my floundering unnerve.

 

These memories are fleeting in a vision of liquid tension. The scents of your flowers are all in the air now. The sweetness and smiles the flowers always provided. Instead of your voice singing along to your playing of the piano or guitar. There are sounds that only have recently become a part of our lives. They are so discordant compared to your songs. My vision clears and I see you before me now.

 

You know who I am and you love me still. Cause I can see it now, in those eyes gleaming back. We know our lives have been shared between two souls like no other have known. Your hand in my hand,  you squeeze it so weakly. You are not able to say those words that I know. It is your eyes that tell me with glistening drops.

 

I fumble and stumble not wanting to let you go. This disease that invaded you just months ago. Was never a cause for me to leave you alone. How dare He let this happen to us. Dont leave me now my love. The beeps and crescendos let loose in the air. The light in your eyes goes away with the tune, the cries and sobs have taken me over.

 

If all I have of you are the memories of us, I do not want to let this end between us. I will find you, and love you no matter we go. I stand back as they take over from here, trying to bring my love back to me. The rushing and bustling overwhelm my senses. I fall to my knees in hopeless pained agony. I have lost my love the only one I loved. 

 

I stand above you now looking at what I know must be you. But this make up and dressing was never your thing. I must be strong now, and let you go on. As I must go on without our great love to steady my heart. But our love will never end, with the ending of life. This I tell you as you lay there in slumber. Wait for me my love. My time will come. I must leave you now, for the earth will be your comforting arms until I see you again.

 

I loved you as much as I loved myself, you loved me just as much. This is all I could ask for in my partner for life. So in parting, I give my last lovers kiss. 

Reviews

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

You definitely take some chances with this story. Saying "you" so much can confuse the reader, but you keep this balanced. I kind of would like to see you develop this more. Maybe play with the form a bit.

One of my favorite little bits was where you referred so subtly to God by using "He". Many writers would straight up say something about it being God they are speaking of, but you didn't.

I like all of the story of their love. What could strengthen your story is specific details. I read somewhere, and have learned from my own experience, that often when you first fall in love or are with your loved one, you notice things others wouldn't. Maybe it's the way some food on their plates at their date makes a specific shape, or perhaps it's the freckle the lover has on their neck, like a little kiss.

You don't have to do anything I say, just suggestions :). I feel like this is a really nice little piece, but it needs more of your own, personal flair to REALLY come to life. :) good job!