Sitting Alone in a Coffee ShopA Screenplay by it's ashley, yo. Just what happens when someone decides to swipe the seat of one Mimi Riter.
INT. CARMEL CAFE - DAY
SETH HALL is sitting atop the back counter next to the
espresso machine. There aren't a lot of people in the shop, none of which
standing at the counter to be served. After the camera pans the shop, we see
Mimi enter and approach the counter. Seth stands up. SETH Mimi, hey! Fancy seeing you here. MIMI I'm always here. SETH Ouch, where's that sunny Persona of yours? MIMI With my creepy as hell landlord. SETH Dude, you got that new place already? MIMI Yes. SETH Why aren't you insanely psyched? MIMI I'm broke. SETH I told you not to buy that Snuggie last week. MIMI I wanted the Snuggie, damnit. SETH (Smiling sympathetically.) Is there anything I can do to help? MIMI Become my roommate and help me pay the rent? Or, no. I'd hate
to live with you. Just help me pay the rent. SETH Hey, you can be like the characters in that one musical you
like. Oh, what's it called... MIMI RENT? SETH (Slams his fist on the counter.) Yes! That's it. MIMI Because that's totally relevant. SETH Tell you what. Your coffee's on the house today. Does that
help any? MIMI Kind of. SETH Great. What can I get you? MIMI The same thing I've been getting every damn day for the past
three years. SETH Right! Coffee and a sugar coma, coming right up. MIMI Thanks.
Seth turns around to make her coffee. Mimi waits, shifting
her weight from one foot to the other. She turns to look around the shop and
sees NOAH RIVERS sitting at a table. The look on her face suggests she's
disturbed by this. As she turns around, Seth is setting her drink down on the
counter. SETH One large coffee, black, strong, extra extra extra sugar. MIMI You forgot an 'extra'. SETH I'm looking out for your safety.
Mimi rolls her eyes as she grabs the coffee and makes her way
over to where Noah is sitting. With a blank facial expression, she walks up to
the table, knocking into it. MIMI (Fake.) Oh, well. Sorry 'bout that. NOAH (Smiles.) Not a problem.
Mimi continues to stand there, staring at Noah. NOAH Is there... Something I can help you with? MIMI Yes, well, see, actually. This is my usual table. NOAH Oh, uhm. Sorry. I didn't know. MIMI Yes, well, I was just wondering if you could maybe, uh, move.
Just this once. NOAH Why can't you just find another seat? It's only one time. MIMI See, it starts out 'just one time'. But then people see me
give up my seat and they think "Oh, hey, she's weak." Next thing you know,
suddenly everyone's going to be sitting here. Noah ... What? MIMI It's been a long day, sir. NOAH It's only ten in the morning. MIMI That's irrelevant. NOAH I don't see why I have to give up my seat. What's so special about this seat? MIMI The view is spectacular. NOAH It's right next to an alley. What's so spectacular about
watching a homeless guy piss on some weeds? MIMI Then surely you don't want to sit here, anyways. Why don't
you go find a table with a better view? NOAH Why don't you? MIMI Please, don't raise your voice. It's not necessary. NOAH YOU aren't necessary! MIMI Oh, ouch. That was offensive. Watch what you say, sir. I'm
relatively sensitive. NOAH Sensitive my a*s! MIMI You know, this all could have been avoided if you would have
just moved seats. NOAH I shouldn't have to move! I was here first! MIMI Very childish, sir. Learn to share. Like in kindergarten. NOAH You're the one that's -- MIMI (Interrupting.) I have memories in this seat, sir. NOAH I don't care! Make your memories elsewhere! MIMI Can't. That would further break health code violations. NOAH What? MIMI Seriously, one table over. You can do it. I have faith in you. NOAH What do you mean by 'break health code violations'? MIMI ... Please? NOAH Tell me what you mean!
Mimi sighs, leaning in, her hands resting atop the counter.
She gestures him closer with a single finger, and he leans in. She jerks her
head over to Seth, who is oblivious to the situation, wiping down the counter
and humming the Cell Block Tango. MIMI Do you see that man? Over there, the one with 'lame' written
across his forehead. NOAH Yes. MIMI He really goes at it when this place closes up. NOAH Goes at... What? MIMI Me. NOAH I don't think I'm following. MIMI As soon as this place closes up, he just... Attacks. He's
like a frickin' animal. NOAH Are you suggesting that he hurts you? MIMI Yes. But not in a bad way.
There’s an awkward silence between them, as Noah looks
confused. Mimi nods at him, smirking. He looks up at Seth, then back down to
her. Suddenly, he looks struck by realization, and he stands, taking a step
back. MIMI There you go, buddy. I was beginning to get concerned. NOAH That's disgusting! MIMI Is not. It's human nature, sir.
Seth looks up. NOAH This place is... Is disgusting! MIMI Yeah, well, you could have just moved. Noah grabs his newspaper, brushing past her, rushing to the
door. With a disgusted look, he pauses at the door to look from Mimi to Seth,
then walks out. Mimi, satisfied, grins and sits down at the table. SETH What the hell did you say to him?
Mimi grabs the abandoned coffee cup and sniffs it, grimaces,
then takes a sip. MIMI Oh, gross. Who the hell invents this stuff? Mocha latte.
Really? I can't believe you'd serve this. What happened to just plain old
coffee? SETH You can't just go chasing away customers! MIMI Oh, don't get your briefs in a bunch. He wasn't a repeat. SETH Not now he isn't! What the hell did you say to him? MIMI I told him you and I had sex on the table. SETH Does... This mean you'll have sex with me? MIMI God no. SETH Then damnit, Mimi! MIMI Relax. No one would have sex with you anyways. SETH For your information, I have another date tonight. MIMI Again? This is the fourth time this week. Give the poor thing
a rest. SETH What? What are you talking about?
Mimi smirks and waves her hand up in the air. SETH What? No! MIMI (Chuckling.) Do you order yourself pizza and say you've bought your date
dinner? SETH I hate you. MIMI I'm alright with that. SETH Just for that, I'm not going to tell my friend that you need a roommate. MIMI That's okay. It was worth it. SETH He was hot, too. MIMI Is he gay, like you? SETH I'm not gay. MIMI Never said there was anything wrong with it.
Seth grimaces, going back to wiping down the counter. Mimi
grabs her coffee cup and takes a sip, snickering, slinking down into the chair.
He looks up again and sees Noah’s WALLET sitting next to his abandoned coffee.
The door opens and GIRL walks in. SETH What's that?
Mimi looks up. MIMI Well, Seth, I believe that's what we folks like to call a woman. Please take notice of the similarities of our chests and overall body structure. I'm aware that you aren't used to this rare species, but -- SETH Don't be a smartass, Mimi. Is that a wallet? Mimi grabs it and opens it. MIMI (Reading.) Noah Rivers, twenty nine years old, male. Well, at least we
have that fact established. And awe, look. He's an organ donor. How sweet. I
call his a*s for sitting in my damn chair. SETH Go find him and give it back. MIMI Why? There's nothing in here aside from twenty bucks and a
condom. SETH He'll want that condom. MIMI Who the hell would screw that? SETH I'm not sure, but do you honestly want to risk little Noahs
running around, stealing your seats all over New York City? MIMI (Hesitates.) Damn.
She grabs the wallet and her coffee, then storms out of the
coffee shop. © 2010 it's ashley, yo.Author's Note
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it's ashley, yo.OHAboutRecently turned seventeen, I'm a High School student who is aspiring to be a screenwriter and filmmaker. I was recently able to make a short film in Hollywood with Dominic Monaghan (LOST, FlashForward.. more..Writing
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