Realization

November 26, 2017.

Attempt to look at life through a stained glass window. Oftentimes it seems there is simply no color to be seen. That no light seems to be shining through... If life has taught me any one thing, it would be that love brings perception. This perception some people tend to have naturally. Others are not as fortunate. The curse of being colorblind is a very real thing. A sickness. A disease of the mind. When no color is seen, everything lacks a specific kind of flavor that only a simple mind is meant to taste. Interest in things become easily nonexistent.
There have been times I have felt possessed to look in the mirror and gaze at myself, staring back at me. At times I wonder "What if I let this anxiety take me whole? What if I let this panic - when will I let the restlessness swallow me alive"
But maybe it has?
When I stare at myself sometimes I think of running my hands to the nearest solid object I can find, shattering my reflection, grabbing hold of the sharpest piece... What do I have to show? Imagine being so uncomfortable in your God given body, you can see the thoughts in your mind like a television, and you're watching yourself mutilate your own skin, hoping to find something you'll be proud of underneath
When you come to, you hear your demons whisper to you, "there's nothing worthy of showing"
Without the love I have experienced, I would not be alive. I feel as if I have no hope sometimes, just to realize I know for a fact I won't always be left empty handed
Pills and affection fuel the fire that resides inside of my soul
Day to day my mind eats itself alive, sometimes my demons scream so loud it's deafening
My ears ring for unimaginable amounts of time
The sting, it is a perpetual pain that will never, ever, subside.

Author's Note

Perception.