Found and Safe

Found and Safe

A Story by jaywolf1738

She ran through the fields. She couldn't be seen. She was nothing but a rustle through the corn crops. No one could see a shadow like her at night. She wouldn't stop. She couldn't. Her legs wouldn't stop. She kept going into a forest of unknown. Branches kept slapping her face but she didn't care. She just wanted to run. She just wanted to clear her mind. A tree root stuck out from the ground up ahead. She tripped on the root and fell down a steep hill. She grunted as she tumbled down to the bottom. When she finally got to the bottom, she cried and screamed. She couldn't hold her frustration in any longer. Her left arm hurt like hell. She must have fell on it really hard. She was lying next to a lake she had never seen before. Its water glistened in the moonlight. She got the strength to sit up, and she took in the view. She had sort of calmed down at this point. There was no one around her to ruin this moment. She was alone in the dark. But she quickly grew lonely, and the pain began to get to her. She slowly got back up and realized her right leg was throbbing with pain. She began to limp towards the nearest tree. As she sat down by the big roots of the tree, there was a bright light in the distance. She heard her name faintly being called, but it slowly grew louder. She hid behind the tree, where the moonlight would not give away her presence. Footsteps along the lake got closer and closer. The light of the lamp grew nearer and nearer. Her heart was beating louder and louder, trying to give away where she was. The light stayed near the lake, where she could hear him crying. She peeked from behind the tree and saw his figure kneeling in front of the lake. She saw the ripples of the lake as his tears fell into the water. She had trouble hearing because he would wipe his tears off onto his dark hoodie. "I need to find her," He said. "She...is... the best thing... that ever happened to me....scared to lose her...can't live without her...." She began to cry silently. She wasn't sure whether to go out and hug him or stay hidden. She began to sniffle and let her crying be heard. The light came up to her, and she saw his face wet with tears. He fell to his knees beside her and hugged her. She ignored the pain. There was nothing else that mattered to her than to be with him. She hugged him as tight as she could, her tears soaking through his hoodie. He stroked her hair and caressed her cheek. He lifted her face up to him and kissed her. That kiss made her feel more alive than ever before. She stayed in his arms for a while. She didn't want to be anywhere else. And they didn't move from that spot by the lake until sunrise.

© 2017 jaywolf1738



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I like the way you have varied your sentence structure to the effect of giving the text an urgent, desperate and hurried tone

Posted 1 Week Ago


Right from the start this really drew me in, you have a way of really getting your readers hooked right from the first few lines. Your writing style is very easy to read and flows superbly. I really love your sentence structure, and this is something that I myself could do with learning more about, as I need to have more of a range - something that you are really good at. Your descriptions were really on point and just made the story that much more detailed, you did it so well that it was just mini scenes flashing before my eyes. I will be adding this to my favorites to revisit as I just loved this so much, its such a beautifully written story. The only thing I would say is that you need to maybe split your writing up into paragraphs, so that it isn't just one big clump of writing (very beautifully written writing might I add though). Another thing I picked up on while reading is that sometimes you start to tell and not show. I do this sometimes so I know how hard it is to not do it. An example would be " The light came up to her, and she saw his face wet with tears." you could have said a light appeared and his face came into view, his eyes red and tear streaks running down his cheeks" ok, so that isn't my best but I'm just trying to kind of give you an example of what I mean. I don't know if this helped that much, but I hope it did. And please, don't feel like I hate this work, because I really loved it and I think you did a marvelous job on it, I just wanted to make it a little constructive. Anyway, I hope this review helped a little and please be sure to send me read requests of works you do in the future - I really enjoy reading your works as you tend to write with themes and genres that I love to read.

Posted 1 Week Ago


jaywolf1738

1 Week Ago

Thank you for your comment. I will use your advice in my next writing

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Added on November 10, 2017
Last Updated on November 10, 2017

Author

jaywolf1738
jaywolf1738

Writing
Cornered Cornered

A Story by jaywolf1738