The Idea of You

I used to think I was in love with you, turns out I was in love with the idea of you.

I used to sit and obsess over, why not me?

Was there a flaw, a problem I just couldn’t see?

Feelings of inadequacy were quite profound

I would sit and talk to myself when no one was around

In the darkness I was searching for light

I knew deep down feeling this way wasn’t right

Trying to piece together what it could be

What it was that you thought was wrong with me

The question forever stuck in my mind

I wanted to think different things, move on to another thought

For in truth, peace of mind is what I actually sought

I used to think I was in love with you

I knew that was wrong, that it wasn’t true

My feelings were confused by the way we were

I started to think we were close, I was almost sure

I realize now the error in my ways

At first, I thought our time was just wasted days

Then my brain and heart got on the same page

Together they calmed my misplaced rage

It was agonizing trying to see myself away from you

I had no one to talk to, no one to help me through

I found myself alone, yet completely surrounded

For you see, I truly didn’t love you

I was in love yes, but with the idea of you

We aren’t destined to be together, I can finally see

Being around you at times is very hard for me

While the notion is in my head, of you and I 

I still often ask the question of why?

Why does it bother me to see you with him?

He has what I want, I thought from within

My heart, it just sank like a stone

When I saw his name pop up on your phone

I know I shouldn’t have looked, but I needed to see

I couldn’t stop myself, what the hell is wrong with me?

That is when the realization came to light

I really didn’t love you, although try as I might

At the end of the day, I know that I'm right

It just took me longer, to see past my plight

You and I will remain good friends

I mean, what is wrong with that in the end?

If you see me upset, please understand why

I will never be able to tell you, I just have to lie

The way I feel about you will surely fade in time

Although you drive me crazy enough to want to commit a crime

I treasure what we have and I want it to last

I don’t want you to be a bad memory from the past

So with the knowledge in front of me, I’ll move past you

But I will always love, the idea of you. 

Author's Note

One of my longer ones. I look forward to hearing what you think of it.

Reviews

[Eichendorff]

Yes, it is indeed long, but sometimes it is necessary. And you did a fantastic job! I do not know all words since I'm not a native speaker, but I do understand what it is about. I think I know this feeling. It is hard to describe, difficult to grasp, curious to have. Love is a matter beyond reasoning. Once I thought a girl and I fit perfectly together, but I erred. You can maintain the friendship, but it still feels strange.
You phrased it very aptly!

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you. It is hard to grasp for sure. I am glad you liked it and appreciate the review!

[Sachi Ruaya]

Formed like a poetic letter! Very expressive with a unique author's voice! Well Done!

Thank you for sharing and your submission to A Poetic Canvas for Reflection and Observance.

[poetgurl (Plainly Meg)]

WOW!! So very powerful, I really like this write a lot.

[Studioispirato]

Bravo, well written. I'm sure many people can relate. I know I can.

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you.

[Blank_fortunes]

Ay, Man Good s**t. This one is filled to the brim every stanza hard hitting. The very Last sentence as I read it. It's as if that comma is you catching yourself and reminding yourself again the right way to address it ",the idea of you." that's good work man. Keep it up.

[Joshua McNay]

Thanks, I am happy you enjoyed it.

[Krizito]

It's poems like these that push us to write. This is a terrific piece and I don't mind the length one bit.

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you I am glad you thought it was terrific and length wasn't an issue. Always happy to hear that. Thanks again.

[jesserose99]

I like this, there is an awareness of your emotion that is nice to read, and the length clearly took some planning. Nice work.

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you. I did put thought into this one. It was hard to write but sharing it makes me feel better and I am happy you liked it. Thanks again for the review!

[Harsh Nanesha]

And this here my friend, is beauty!! Little long, yes, but worth every minute reading it!!
I'm new! But I hope to ripen up soon and give you competition😂😂😊

[Joshua McNay]

Why thank you! Glad you enjoyed it and I look forward to some competition. We were all new once, just keep at it and have fun thats all I do. Thank you again for the review.

[Chelsea]

I love this! I can't even tell you how many times I have come back to your poem. I have been in these shoes more ways than one. Thank you for writing this!

[Joshua McNay]

You are quite welcome. I am happy to hear you enjoy it. Makes me feel better being able to share this with others.