The Idea of You

The Idea of You

A Poem by Joshua McNay
"

I used to think I was in love with you, turns out I was in love with the idea of you.

"

I used to sit and obsess over, why not me?
Was there a flaw, a problem I just couldn’t see?
Feelings of inadequacy were quite profound
I would sit and talk to myself when no one was around
In the darkness I was searching for light
I knew deep down feeling this way wasn’t right
Trying to piece together what it could be
What it was that you thought was wrong with me
The question forever stuck in my mind
I wanted to think different things, move on to another thought
For in truth, peace of mind is what I actually sought

I used to think I was in love with you
I knew that was wrong, that it wasn’t true
My feelings were confused by the way we were
I started to think we were close, I was almost sure
I realize now the error in my ways
At first, I thought our time was just wasted days
Then my brain and heart got on the same page
Together they calmed my misplaced rage

It was agonizing trying to see myself away from you
I had no one to talk to, no one to help me through
I found myself alone, yet completely surrounded
For you see, I truly didn’t love you
I was in love yes, but with the idea of you
We aren’t destined to be together, I can finally see
Being around you at times is very hard for me
While the notion is in my head, of you and I 
I still often ask the question of why?

Why does it bother me to see you with him?
He has what I want, I thought from within
My heart, it just sank like a stone
When I saw his name pop up on your phone
I know I shouldn’t have looked, but I needed to see
I couldn’t stop myself, what the hell is wrong with me?
That is when the realization came to light
I really didn’t love you, although try as I might
At the end of the day, I know that I'm right
It just took me longer, to see past my plight

You and I will remain good friends
I mean, what is wrong with that in the end?
If you see me upset, please understand why
I will never be able to tell you, I just have to lie
The way I feel about you will surely fade in time
Although you drive me crazy enough to want to commit a crime
I treasure what we have and I want it to last
I don’t want you to be a bad memory from the past
So with the knowledge in front of me, I’ll move past you
But I will always love, the idea of you. 


© 2015 Joshua McNay



Author's Note

Joshua McNay
One of my longer ones. I look forward to hearing what you think of it.

My Review

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Featured Review

Yes, it is indeed long, but sometimes it is necessary. And you did a fantastic job! I do not know all words since I'm not a native speaker, but I do understand what it is about. I think I know this feeling. It is hard to describe, difficult to grasp, curious to have. Love is a matter beyond reasoning. Once I thought a girl and I fit perfectly together, but I erred. You can maintain the friendship, but it still feels strange.
You phrased it very aptly!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joshua McNay

2 Years Ago

Thank you. It is hard to grasp for sure. I am glad you liked it and appreciate the review!



Reviews

Bravo, well written. I'm sure many people can relate. I know I can.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Joshua McNay

1 Year Ago

Thank you.
Ay, Man Good s**t. This one is filled to the brim every stanza hard hitting. The very Last sentence as I read it. It's as if that comma is you catching yourself and reminding yourself again the right way to address it ",the idea of you." that's good work man. Keep it up.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Joshua McNay

1 Year Ago

Thanks, I am happy you enjoyed it.
It's poems like these that push us to write. This is a terrific piece and I don't mind the length one bit.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joshua McNay

1 Year Ago

Thank you I am glad you thought it was terrific and length wasn't an issue. Always happy to hear tha.. read more
I like this, there is an awareness of your emotion that is nice to read, and the length clearly took some planning. Nice work.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joshua McNay

2 Years Ago

Thank you. I did put thought into this one. It was hard to write but sharing it makes me feel better.. read more
And this here my friend, is beauty!! Little long, yes, but worth every minute reading it!!
I'm new! But I hope to ripen up soon and give you competition😂😂😊

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joshua McNay

2 Years Ago

Why thank you! Glad you enjoyed it and I look forward to some competition. We were all new once, jus.. read more
Yes, it is indeed long, but sometimes it is necessary. And you did a fantastic job! I do not know all words since I'm not a native speaker, but I do understand what it is about. I think I know this feeling. It is hard to describe, difficult to grasp, curious to have. Love is a matter beyond reasoning. Once I thought a girl and I fit perfectly together, but I erred. You can maintain the friendship, but it still feels strange.
You phrased it very aptly!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joshua McNay

2 Years Ago

Thank you. It is hard to grasp for sure. I am glad you liked it and appreciate the review!
I love this! I can't even tell you how many times I have come back to your poem. I have been in these shoes more ways than one. Thank you for writing this!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joshua McNay

2 Years Ago

You are quite welcome. I am happy to hear you enjoy it. Makes me feel better being able to share thi.. read more

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452 Views
7 Reviews
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Added on November 25, 2015
Last Updated on December 4, 2015

Author

Joshua McNay
Joshua McNay

Grand Junction, CO



About
I write about a Little Red Fox, I hope you enjoy his adventures as much as I do! Thanks for stopping by and as always thank you for reading! Featuring art by Emily Chan, be sure to check her work o.. more..

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