Never Enough

How does it feel to you?

It was never enough.

Not for you.

Everything was accompanied by “but why didn’t you do this, too?”

Everything I learned about being scared I would never be good enough,

I learned from you.

Maybe I was enough, but you’d think that I’d be the one who heard it,

Not everyone outside of us.

You’d think that if I was really enough, you wouldn’t have to tell the world how great I was,

You’d just tell me.

You’d think that after the third time cleaning something,

You’d be satisfied.

But it was never good enough for you.

Always hollering,

Never happy,

Rarely kind about it.

You don’t know how to teach me to be enough, because I think maybe you feel like you might not be enough, either.

Maybe this whole thing is just you, wanting perfection from yourself and not getting it.

That doesn’t excuse you, but it explains some things.

I just want to know why I, the one you are supposed to love unconditionally, never felt like she was enough to be loved in such a way.

I just want to know why I lived in fear that nothing I did while you were away would measure up to your lofty standards.

It hurts, you know.

And I know that I’m not perfect. I’m not pushing that aside.

I don’t do things well the first time, occasionally, yes.

I can be lazy, I’lll admit.

But that’s not excusing the actions and reactions you gave.

I’m always scared that nothing I do will ever be good enough. Not for you, not for him, not for anyone. Not even God, sometimes.

That, I credit to you.

I’m sorry if this breaks your heart, but then again, I’m not.

I’ve spent so many years trying to understand how you could be like this, but I’ve grown weary.

I’m tired.

And I’m sad.

Why don’t you understand, or give any sign that you care?

Unless it’s good, you don’t want to hear about it.

So… you’ll never see this, and if you do, I hope I’m not around,

But this is what it feels like,

to feel like you’re never good enough for someone you love.

Reviews

[DiaryKay]

What's the feeling behind this one Miss Elizabeth? your emotions are more real than fiction...

[jude.elizabeth]

There is more than just one feeling behind this, I'd say. A lot of it is just the feeling of imperfection in another's eyes. We all can feel that way sometimes, I hope I conveyed it well enough.

[DiaryKay]

assuredly you did!! Don't stop writing.....

[jude.elizabeth]

I won't! :) Thank you!