World Changer

I wanna do something amazing
I wanna be world changing
Ive got this energy in my hands and its blazing
Waiting to be set free but its caged in
But I’ve got the key
It belongs to me
But I wont turn the lock
Can’t let the other foot drop
Im too scared, too young, too dumb
And the world's spinning madly on
I dont have enough time
Time time time it ticks by so fast
The days are long but years dont last
And I can sit here and whine
Or I can write some rhymes
But what the f**k does that mean
Is that gonna make me queen
Even then would I want the crown
Making my subjects all bow down
To the one, the girl who came up from the ground
Letting my little seed sprout to feel the sun
Let others fawn as they look on
But I’ll never bloom no, not even germinate
Because what if the world sees something it hates
No it’s nice in the dark where no one can see
Because at least for a while they can feel like me
Squinting in the light
Got lenses to see right
And they make my face look big
So I just want to dig dig dig
Down deep in the dirt
To avoid all the pain and all the hurt
So I’m sitting silent
Thinking violent
Wondering where my mind went
Why I feel like I’m numb or why I feel like im dying
At the dinner table cant tell why Im crying
Over spilt milk
And a brother that God built
Like he’s standing on stilts
He’s up there, we’re all lower
But one gust of wind will blow him over
And there was this gust once but we pretend we don't know her
F**k her I guess
We’re still cleaning up the mess
That she left like she belonged on cable
Broadcast with some reality tv label
And we’re back at the dinner table
Im barely holding on a little unstable
And no ones got a clue
We sit there every night and no one knew
Because they were dealing with my brother’s issues
That sometimes I wanna die
Even though those time are few
I still wanna put out the light
Every once in a while
But Ill wake up with a smile
Arrive in style
Hoping against hoping that ill end up doing something worthwhile
Doing something great or something wild
just do something good
Instead of wasting away in my adulthood
But im trying.
Im trying to keep up my reading, my writing
My art making, language class taking,
Networking kiss a*s smile faking
Just trying to make it
My mom and dad are the best you can get
But I still fret
I wanna - I gotta
Be the best you’ll never forget
Be the one you’ll always regret
I wanna do something crazy amazing
Fantastical and world changing
These hands they’ll keep on blazing
But I’ll just keep on waiting
Because anxiety is a duality you see
Always pushing you to be more than you can be
But hellbent on letting you know you’ll never have the victory
Maybe one day the winner will be me.