These Old Bones

Just a general poem about the lifespan of the average person. *shrugs* Daniel Lieske has some beautiful artwork, see daniellieske.com to see more.

These old bones

I look forward to resting,

in eighty years or so.

After the peddling, and meddling, and 

malls, and frilly dolls. 

After the imagination catches 

in mid-thought,

giving peace to my childish woes.

These old bones

I look forward to resting

in sixty years or so.

After the dating, and caving, and

cars, and mini bars.

After the heat of every moment

i do dare resist

giving peace to my wild throes.

These old bones 

I look forward to resting

in forty years or so.

After the saving, and raising, and

mortgages, and shut-off notices.

After the selfless acts of 

parenthood

giving peace to my arthritic woes.

These old bones 

I look forward to resting

in twenty years or so.

After the spoiling, and toiling, and

trust funds for the young ones.

After the troublesome 

routines of pill taking-

giving peace to my weary soul.

These old bones

I look forward to resting

as I'm laid into the ground.

After the living, and breathing, and

sighs and fair goodbyes.

After the stone stands

unwavering

resting these tired old bones.

Author's Note

Not entirely sure about the rhythm or if it could use some changes. I noticed i don't really rhyme throughout-I'm not entirely sure if its necessary but any suggestions would be helpful. :)

Reviews

[Danelkahr]

wow, passionate writin comes from within, yet another beautiful poem starts and end with a mouth wide open. its true when they say "a mistery is solved when life ends.

mxwaa loved it.

[cartera]

Rhythmically it almost fits the tune 'This Ol' House' exactly. There is no problem here.
The time-line is an excellent framework for the poem. It was all enjoyable.
My only differing thought: does the stone not rest upon the tired old bones?
Superbe.
ATB
Alex.

[InkSlinger]

Each day slips faster than the next.. love the repeating cadence of the stanzas, these old bones.. in eighty year, in sixty years, in twenty years.. counting down our days.. while we wittle away the layers of our existense, leaving us with nothing more than tired old bones.. Super write, always reflective..

[Muse]

This is really good! Why I like you........you don't write about the same damn ol cliche stuff you see everywhere else. It's original, and thought provoking. And I'm sure the older we all get............a long final rest will sound more and more appealing.

[Everson Taveras]

I'm baffled by this poem. How you generalize the cycle of our existence, and everything in between, is articulately written in such a style that brings the reader to contemplate whether or not he has lived his life worthy of remembrance long after he has passed, or if he lived by impulse, only for the moment. Touched by death, we fade into the darkness of those before us remains. Great write.

[Larry Dyson]

I really like the way it is consistantly a statement about the life cycle and uses a familiar phrase to introduce the daily comings and goings of "us all"...as the base element of "bones"..i like the ending summation as well.

"I look forward to resting

as I'm laid into the ground.

After the living, and breathing, and

sighs and fair goodbyes.

After the stone stands

unwavering

resting these tired old bones."

[xCasper]

You don't need a rhyme scheme for it to flow. I really dig the last stanza. "I look forward to resting, as I'm laid into the ground." Powerful words. Congrats.

[The Joker]

To me its a work of dark perfection loved the pic with it dont change a thing

[Moflo]

I love the format of this piece a lot! The last verse really simplifies all of life in general, pointing out some absurdities we all forgo. I love it! Great job!