Scars

I poem about a problem a friend of mien used to have. She has gotten help now, and I don't have to feel this way anymore.

Scars cover your your arms,

but jackets cover your scars,

and smiles cover your pain,

but I still know.

I know your hurting,

Hurting inside,

feeling the need to bring it out.

To write the pain inside on your arms,

then cover the pain up.

I watch you,

Talk to you,

Love you. 

I can't help you,

I can't stop you from hurting yourself.

I can't stop then pain.

What can I do?

How can I help?

I want you to turn to me,

but I don't know where to turn.

I hate this,

I hate your pain,

I hate not being able to help. 

Why must you do this?

Why do you hurt yourself so?

Scars cover your arms,

but jackets cover your scars,

and a smile covers your pain,

but I still know.

Author's Note

It's not very good, I'd like constructive criticism.

Reviews

[emma]

"Scars cover your your arms, but jackets cover your scars, and smiles cover your pain,
but I still know."

best lines, even though the whole poem was great. it was powerful, and it spoke volumes. i can't relate personally, but i know people who hurt themselves, and its truly depressing. its horrible and you displayed that horror here perfectly. i think i'm falling in love with your writing!

[Sean Allen]

Nicely done. I like to see punctuation in poetry and I like the way you end with the beginning. I can't say that there is anything that I would change to improve this quality poem!

[Libby McKeown]

It definitely has potential. And, here, I am just analyzing your poem as a technical work, not for meaning per se. The repetition of "scars cover your arms, etc" is kinda brilliant. It has such a nice sound and easy, but not sing-songy rhythm. Writing the pain inside your arms also invokes quite powerful imagery. Be careful with the themes like this, however. If for your personal expression, write whatever and however you want. If, however, you want to be taken seriously as a writer, and I suspect you do, be mindful of themes that are overused and subject to lots of cliche. There are a million poems about scars. Everyone has them. But, are you saying something that no one has said before? Honor your friend's pain with a quietly powerful and polished work of art. How can this be stronger? Just my humble opinion. And don't leave notes like "it's not very good". If it sucks, no one will really tell you, and it undermines your work. If it's good, people will beat down your door to tell you exactly and specifically why it's good.

[Red Raven]

This is such a beautiful poem.So much hurt to see someone being hurt...getting hurt.
Scars and the anguish torment inside you to stop it, to help the one who hurts herself/himself.
I also had the same problem.unstoppable, as if its not your own hand that hold the sharp razor, as if the cut on your other hand is not to be blame to your own.Its like a desease where you have to see the fiery red blood dripping. whoever it is, give so much Love to heal its wound.
thanks for sharing my friend.

[*Evelen*]

I know someone who has the same peoblem. Beautiful write.