East~West Rails

 

 

In this intense moonlit light, I see two trains pass at night.

Everyday things may seem trite, but this was a moving sight.

A horn from one, loud and clear, struck my spine with hazy fear.

A beam from one, bright and shear, brought me into an odd cheer.

I see two trains pass at night, much to my impish delight.

Seperate ways, left and right, smokestack has an acrid bite.

As they pass I think of snakes, hear the pinging of the stakes.

Through the mountains, past the lakes, their carry rattles and shakes.

 

Halfway done, the gap is tight, tossing up the steam that's white.

In their tracks, their must be fright, I see two trains pass at night.

They must have various freight, they have to move, they can't be late.

Rails are holding intense weight, filled with iron, steel and slate.

Pines they pass sway like a kite, leaning in without a fight.

I saw two trains pass at night, in this intense moonlit light.

Left and right, red lights flashing, I still hear clicking, clashing.

Cold air, my teeth are gnashing, all silent, no more bashing.

Reviews

[yinseriv]

I will respond on a gut level. For me this poem captured the questioning sense of possibilities. I feel the sensation of standing as the world around me offers choices to ponder. I feel the anticipation of movement. I feel at peace with choosing to observe.

A good poem may not always have perfect structure. A good poem may stray from the intent of the writer when filtered by the reader. A good poem will bring forth not just thought but feelings. This is a good poem.

[PianoandPage]

i love the energy. the ryhme and meter not what i'm used to but it really helped drive the piece and it seemed to build on itself.

love the images of trains as snakes and trees as kites. great stuff!

[Mark D. Chevalier]

I love trains. There's something charming, something that gives you the feel of earlier times.

I used to live near some tracks and every now and then I can still drift off into a peaceful sleep, dreaming of the sound.

Wonderful and descriptive poem!
Mark

[HoorayForUnderdog]

I like your description of the pines swaying and the moonlit night...the noise and then the silence...and the blue type also helps set the mood of your poem.

[After the Blackbird Sin..]

A very sing-songy poem with a simple rhyme scheme. The meter doesn't quite match up in a few places. But the imagery was good.

[BrightEyes]

if I take this on the surface of its description...one feels an almost "car crash" fascination here - the way you describe how the sounds and vibrations make you feel, the emotions evoked with the mere thought of how they miss each other by mere inches. Delving deeper into it...one might construe...that these are two souls that narrowly miss crossing each other's path...perhaps by divine intercedence, saving them both some pain and heartache in the end...as they are headed in two very different directions...and their lives are not meant to intersect.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

very cool... I can hear the train whistle now, very vivid imagery... makes me think of two people who are meant to be together keep missing one another.