The Torrid Germinate

A Poem by kris reed

Holding on to ills and avoiding growth (Oct. 2013)

I can’t forgive myself for all my wrongs

They’re stitched into my shadow stretched so long

I can’t feel any of the good things I’ve done

For a place, for a time, for a someone

But I relive every time I’ve shown my failings

They echo forward to every present with muddy rings

They slip their noose around my conscience

Torture me with every escape’s promise

They clatter bad feelings in my mind

Lash dull emotion against my rind

They seek justice for every event

And punish me with every lament

They turn my heart from every day

I wish and want my sins washed away

They chatter like snakes and hiss

And seek it not in forgiveness

They clean my body with knife and flay

Allow my tortured memories out to play

With lurid moments they crack my bones

They tear my hide and rent my moans

I watch these purple promise drips

As they oxidize in air with red tips

They carry away my wicked memories

But I don’t want to lose these friended miseries

I gather up my draining life

Stuff my husk with waning strife

I want to feel the pain of the wrongs I’ve done

I want to accept my burden and never run

It never makes me feel better

I walk in a corse that could not be deader

But it allows me the sacred privilege

To hide from life and its tutelage

To not let go of my ills or despise my past

To not accept that I am worthy of life to its last

And instead I can focus on the hate I’ve tattooed into my dark follower

And protect the shade of my forever lover

In memories and moments that never happen

And smiles and joys I can’t laugh in

And alternatively allow myself the slaved-freedom to never be touched

In believe I’ll tortured-paint my love’s life rushed

© 2013 kris reed

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Reviews

Jeni Reed

You have a wonderful style of constructing poetry. I love how you use homophones in almost all your writing; it works so well, the reader is able to get insight into the depth of your psyche while you still are able to withhold much mystery. Love it.