four

clear and concise...

my crazed, teenage mind is exploding

I can never keep my thoughts clear,

let alone concise

and with every word you speak,

it becomes even worse

how is it that I am still living?

my mind creates something so real,

something so deadly

and I mentally don't know how to handle it

how is it that I am still living?

my pulse is quickening,

the anxiety builds up

and something bursts

...

the way you make me feel is explosive

my thoughts are racing, 

my head is pounding, 

and my stress levels increase with every second

how is it that I am still living?

lily

Author's Note

I hope the message/meaning is coming through.

Also, I'm trying to make my writing longer, but it isn't really working. So anything that could help is greatly appreciated.

Reviews

[Kieran Shuttleworth]

Very enthralling. You illustrate perfectly what it's like to live with anxiety, which unfortunately, doesn't help with the already troublesome teenage years. You clearly have put much heart and soul into these "journal entry" poems. Keep up the good work!

As for making your writing longer, I don't feel like you really need to. If you can convey your message in a single paragraph, keep it like that. But for proper advice, if you are trying to write something long, don't keep stopping to edit, continue typing away until you feel the piece is finished and then revise it later.

[lily]

Thank you so much for you thoughts about the poem and my question. I appreciate both, and I hope your suggestions help!! thank you!

[SimonThePoet]

Hey! My 1st friend!!
Just getting to know the site but it seems pretty cool! Thanks for your kind words on my poem.
Your poetry is very emotional and powerful. I love words that make you feel something. I personally love short poems. What is your reason for wanting to make them longer? Some of my favourite poems are just a few words long.

[lily]

Hi there! I'm sure you'll come to love it, I know I do :)
But thank you, I appreciate your kind words. And don't completely know why, I've just noticed my pieces getting shorter and shorter through my years of writing, and I wanted things to be longer, but thank you for you thoughts, I'll take them into consideration while I am writing!! :)

[Jett_jeanette]

What I do is write a short story right to the point and then I go back and add a hole bunch of detail. Hope it helps.

[lily]

That does help, thank you!