Living through dying Ridden on arrows Through eyes and insides Illuminations ubiquitous Bound by order By law and by consequence See: cause into effect Life awakens death All beginnings All endings All of everything Is stuck in time So we are free So completely Within a prison Within a time Without exception We all will die Within a prison In due time
This is powerful, takes my breathe away and yet it has such calm flow. A masterful arrangement of word drawing a picture of our mortality. No one here gets out alive I hear. " ridden on arrows
Through eyes and insides"
Excellent Poetry
Compare this to your other piece on "time".....this is much better in structure, in flow and musicality, has greater power! The only line I can't quite see fitting is "So we are free". Probably because there's no punctuation to help the reader figure out which lines go with which thoughts, it's hard to see the link that justifies the presence of this line. But looking at the preceding and proceeding lines, it's kind of just a random throw-away that doesn't add too much to the poem itself. Something is missing to really make it work. Overall, well done!
I like the concept of time as a subject. I write about it often. As far as "we all die", I don't th.. read moreI like the concept of time as a subject. I write about it often. As far as "we all die", I don't think I was thinking about death as a terminal event. The book Slaughterhouse Five and the movie Arrival have been recent influences on me.
6 Years Ago
the line that I was questioning was "so we are free" not "we all die". But cool tidbit of info.....w.. read morethe line that I was questioning was "so we are free" not "we all die". But cool tidbit of info.....wouldn't have guessed those influences from reading your work.
I think you say it all in the first line ... I heard someone on a podcast say the other day that dying has become habit ... if we treat our bodies right there's no way we shouldn't live to 140 or so. I think it's only a prison if you allow it to be ... depends on which 'life goggles' you choose to wear, with matching pink knickers of course :D
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Anatomically there is no reason we shouldn't live more or less than 100-120. After that our mitocho.. read moreAnatomically there is no reason we shouldn't live more or less than 100-120. After that our mitochondrial DNA ineveitably
6 Years Ago
(unintentional break).... makes mistakes when cells divide. It's not so much an environmental thing.. read more(unintentional break).... makes mistakes when cells divide. It's not so much an environmental thing as it is a limitation based on how our cells unravel and copy DNA. It's a built in limitation. 140 is possible but the quality of life past 120ish is pretty low. To truly extend life expectancy we'd have to evolve at the most basic biological level and that's just not how evolution works. It's more of a kluge type of thing.
This is powerful, takes my breathe away and yet it has such calm flow. A masterful arrangement of word drawing a picture of our mortality. No one here gets out alive I hear. " ridden on arrows
Through eyes and insides"
Excellent Poetry
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