You Can Sing

you can be brilliant
if you don't know how to learn
and stay stupid

you can be eloquent
if you don't know when to speak
and sound foolish

you can be graceful
if you don't know how to move
and seem clumsy

you can be wealthy
if you don't know how to spend
and live poorly

you can bleed

if you know how to live

and never die

you can sing
if you can't say a word
. . .

you can sing

Author's Note

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

You can sing even when you are stupid, have no elegance, are poor and clumsy. You can find your voice when you least expect it. Some never find their voice and will never know that joy because they live in shadows. From across the pond, greetings.

Chris

[Davidgeo]

It's important that we know ourselves well enough to use our own voice/talents/etc... . Some people can talk without saying anything, others can think without making anything, some can love but not properly...etc.,etc.,... the capacity to do something is only a part of being that thing. The vast majority of us only articulate ourselves partially... it's a frightfully small number who can truly sing. Thanks for reading my madness... How's the weather in jolly old England?

[Chris Shaw]

Bloomin cold and wet :))

[Davidgeo]

Winter is a cruel thing.

[.]

Wonderfully written! 😊 Thanks for sharing!

[Spookers]

Your use of vocabulary is great. You do a good job at making your words flow in a pleasing way.

[Davidgeo]

Sometimes it doesn't make sense, how I abuse words. But if you can make your own picture with it... what the f**k does that matter? Thank you for your compliments, they make me happier than I just was a minute ago.

[John the Baptist]

I think it is necessary to divide this poem into two parts. The first four verses send a different message than the last three. The first four come across as a skewering of certain self important types who tend to foist themselves upon the rest of us with their posturing, overconfident ways. We are all familiar with the arrogant loudmouth who burdens us with his opinions whether we want them or not. Ditto the ostentatious nouveau rich types. The last three verses seem to be a salute to those with sound values who don't attract much attention. They don't have to. They know their lives sing, with or without words. Sparely put, but an important message.

[Davidgeo]

I think you might be onto something there.
It does seem a bit off in that sense after reading it again.

My main point with this one was that we can have the potential to be something or have all the tools to become something but without refinement never realize that potential or properly use those tools to become that thing. The last two stanzas acknowledge a couple traits I think we either have or do not have... mental toughness and artistic expression.

[TL Boehm]

these character traits we deem positive if we don't display the flaws. There is always the external image and the internal.
Nicely done.

[KWP]

I get what you are saying - but this one for you feels a bit contrived - it may not be - but for you - im wondering where your head space was - obviously it was in a good spot - but maybe you needed some weed to represent a little bit more of the harsh reality we both know so well :) I very much like the ideals behind it - I just think it needs a shake down like a copper on a thug ;)

[Davidgeo]

Perhaps, but I kinda like it as it is so I won't be shaking it down anytime soon.

[Zhavy]

This is great, love the inspirational tone to this, great job. Not enough people try to uplift others these days, I really like this.

[JayG]

• you can be brilliant
if you don't know how to learn
and stay stupid

First problem: The word for people without knowledge is ignorant, not stupid.
Second: Stupid is a condition, not a problem, so of course it doesn't change.

Not what you meant the stanza to mean? That, I'm certain. But intention doesn't make it to the page. Your reader has only what the words suggest to them, based on their background.

And since every stanza pretty much repeats the first, in slightly changed format...

You need to edit from the reader's viewpoint. We have intent, and visualization to guide our understanding, so our writing works....for us. So the trick is to bring the reader into the poem, emotionally.

[Davidgeo]

Poetry is not an exact science, as you know, you can use vocabulary in artistic ways. In fact many would say that is a fundamental of poetics - artistic license for the sake of style. Meaning can be conveyed in non-standard ways... you yourself said you understand the meaning so I have succeeded. Even if you didn't/don't want me to have. And since every stanza is roughly a play on that logic I think did a decent job of conveying that meaning.... even if you didn't/don't want me to have.

Smart people make stupid decisions sometimes... that is what that stanza means. Like your attempt at critiquing me here, it came from a place of knowledge but was applied in a stupid way making you sound pretty petty, bitter and foolish.

Fundamentally intelligent people can seem very stupid sometimes if they apply their intelligence in environments they are not prepared for. Eloquent speakers can sound foolish sometimes if they pick the wrong time ("foot in mouth" syndrome). Sometimes very rich people buy stupid things and live unhealthy lives (see Michael Jackson). And extremely wounded people can survive serious conflict if they know how to survive well (see Marcus Luttrell).

It was a "nice" try... but your motive for that review was pretty clear. You should probably try and hide that BS better next time. Thanks for the review, I'm glad you understood what it meant ("Now what you meant the stanza to mean? That I'm certain." - said you)

[JayG]

• Poetry is not an exact science, as you know, you can use vocabulary in artistic ways.
read more• Poetry is not an exact science, as you know, you can use vocabulary in artistic ways.

And mashed potatoes have no bones. Both statements are true, but so what? We're talking about this poem as it stands on this day, and your intent for how the reader is to take it is irrelevant, because you-are-not-there when it's read, nor do you know the person and their background. Given that, you need to make your words mean the same thing to the reader as to yourself. And choosing to have stupidity actually mean ignorance—without letting the reader in on that, isn't the bast way to communicate, because if you choose to give a word in common usage your own meaning you can't expect anyone but you to "get it."

But that aside. You made your point with stanza 1. You emphasized your point with stanza 2. You drive it home in 3. You smashed it to smithereens in 4. You... Why repeat the same point with different words?

• Meaning can be conveyed in non-standard ways... you yourself said you understand the meaning so I have succeeded.

If you miss the basket, everyone knows what you were aiming at. But you don't shout, "Excelsior," for getting close when the goal was to make the basket.

Trying to talk someone into liking a poem retroactively, as you're doing, is wasted time, because there is no second first impression. You're right in that you can write any way you care to. But given that it's written for the reader, not yourself, being certain that the reader gets your intended meaning matters...a lot.

But this isn't something you want to hear. So I'll bow out of the discussion.

[Davidgeo]

You can keep trying, but you're not fooling anyone. It's painfully obvious what you are trying to do... that is, rationalize a dumb faux intellectual point of view. Perhaps you're not quite as "smart" as you "humbly" pretend not to be.

That whole faux humility "bow out of the conversation" tactic is kind of a cop out by the way.

Your BS may work on other people here but, I'm not other people here. I have no problem calling out people like you. Either you don't know how to interpret poetry or you think all poetry should conform to what you think it is... or maybe it's something more insidious.

And of course I write more for myself than for the reader... I'm not interested in pandering or being fake simply for popularity. You should try it sometime.

[KWP]

God Dave - you and I must have a beer sometime - there are not many people who say it like it is - today my bosses son told me 'You do know that I am your bosses son don't you?' I of course said 'I don't really care who you are I am employed to do a job and if you are going to interfere with that due to lack of expertise I will tell you so. Iam am also happy to discuss that with your father.' My boss is a multimillionaire who obviously raises obnoxious little fuckers for kids!

Apparently he is flying into to Sydney tomorrow just to see me - let's see if he has balls enough to broach the subject with this woman who has no choice but to call it as she see's it :D

anyway enough about me ... please don't tear my review to shreds I am clearly emotionally unstable just now :D oh dear!

[Davidgeo]

I'm good with your review because it was genuinely how you felt and not pseudo-intellectual bullshit. This self published d********g is more concerned about appearing 'intelligent' than conveying meaning which always annoys me. He's like a homeless person that spends what little money they have on expensive clothes so people don't think he's homeless.

[JayG]

• This self published d********g is more concerned about appearing 'intelligent' than conveying meaning which always annoys me.

No. What annoys you is that I didn't praise this poem.

This "d********g" has signed seven contracts with real publishers. And while I'm not getting rich, I am paid royalties for my writing every month. I was paid $205 for Roland Skye. I've sold in novels, short, and tech magazine articles. I've taught fiction writing at workshops, and have owned a manuscript critiquing business. More than a few people are published today because of my advice.

You?

You ASKED me for that critique, and one would assume you had the sense to look at other critiques to see what you might expect, BEFORE asking me to comment.

1. Someone you don't know took time they didn't have to give you, to help you become a better writer. And they did that just because you asked.

You're welcome.

Instead of complaining that I didn't praise the work you should have asked yourself what made me respond as I did, so you could improve it and make the work more universally accepted. Instead, you complained that I didn't react as you hoped. But your JOB is to make the reader get the message. If they don't, the failure is yours.

2. Had I praised the work you would have accepted what I said without question, and never looked into my background—never said a word about me. How can you not accept critical opinion with the same spirit and call yourself a writer or poet? .

3. Be careful what you wish for.

[Davidgeo]

Sure ya do kiddo... sure ya do.

And just because I send a read request doesn't mean I have to praise or blindly thank someone if they leave a s****y review. That road goes both ways ya dipshit. Your reviews always tend to suck, be they positive or negative.

"be careful what you wish for".... ahhahahha.... what is that? A threat? Did I really hurt your feelings that bad? You'e a f*****g moron... go find some self awareness and stop embarrassing yourself.

[Jon Roggie]

I learned to sing,
while some seemed not to hear.
Eloquent I might not be.
Still words seem to rattle on.
Either way,
we each try to sing a song.

[Davidgeo]

Okay. Thanks for reading me.

[Jon Roggie]

I fall into writes for reviews.
Liked it.
Also,
nice song choice.

[Davidgeo]

woo hoo...

[Jon Roggie]

I think that was Blur.

[Davidgeo]

It's a review... say what you mean or don't say anything. This whole cryptic BS faux profundity game has become tiresome and unimpressive to me. Have a nice evening.

[Jon Roggie]

Got it. Just the way I am.

[Davidgeo]

Me too. There's less malice in what I say than it seems.

[Jon Roggie]

You are being honest. Refreshing. I am simply a vague b*****d!

[Davidgeo]

You're a little vague, I'm a little cunty… eh, it could be worse.

[Jon Roggie]

Cheers! Now, the flipping system is making me type more than ten characters.

[Davidgeo]

Oh the things this world makes us do... character limits piss me of too. Cheers to you as well my friend.