He Is My Sin

A poem about my beloved

He is My Sin

 

Watch now, the sun is going down.

The stars all peek out, lets drive around town.

Watch from the window as the lights go by,

From deep inside comes a sorrowful sigh.

 

Emotions kept locked inside,

I can’t say anything, curse my pride.

The engine dies and silence falls.

We sit quietly listening to the cricket calls.

 

I want to reach out and touch.

I’m afraid it might be to much.

I’m looking out the window once more,

I’m afraid we’ll say good-bye and I’ll hit the floor.

 

Neither know what to say or do,

We simply don’t have a clue.

Small talk and silly chatter,

I should let go, what happens doesn’t matter

 

Who should make the first move?

To whom do we have anything to prove?

Ignore the outside world, it’s just him and me.

I’m akward and clumsy at this don’t you see?

 

Love’s not simple, love’s not clean.

Love’s complex, and sometimes mean.

Listen, can’t you hear the wind whisper,

It sings quietly, its chorus; “Kiss her”.

 

Can’t you hear? The mournful angel song.

Give my heart somewhere to belong.

So kiss me now, kiss me deep,

Wake me from this endless sleep.

 

In the woods, just him and I,

There is no one here to pry.

I look to the sky, and say a silent prayer,

This emotion is ours alone to bare.

 

So guide me back, and lay me down.

Submerge me in emotion, and let me drown.

I can’t help it, he’s in my skin,

Forgive me lord, he is my sin.

 

Reviews

[Ruby Moon]

this is beautiful...
its ackward at some places but beautiful never the less
its like how the person in the piece feels...
ackward, not knowing what to do
the final sentence ends it on just the right note...

"Forgive me lord, he is my sin"
i felt like adding
"...but I can't give him up" (of course i am sure you can make it better...this is just the feeling of it that i am talking about >.< i am babblering again, sorry)
but that part is understood without words
a silent plea...something that the heart understand without words
that is why your ending is perfect

[Sarah Turner]

Going somewhat against the grain of the other reviewers; hope it isn't too devastating.

There are a few grammatical errors: "lets" should be "let's", "to" in the third stanza should
be "too", etc. A few of the lines don't quite fit the rhythm, which makes the poem slightly
jarring to read.

This subject is written about with around the same frequency as politicians use the
word "change", so it can be hard to get some originality on it. The strong points of this poem
are its emotion and its honesty. Please continue writing.

[Skittles_lover]

Can't you hear? The mournful angel song.
Give my heart somewhere to belong.
So kiss me now, kiss me deep,
Wake me from this endless sleep.

So guide me back, and lay me down.
Submerge me in emotion, and let me drown.
I can't help it, he's in my skin,
Forgive me lord, he is my sin.

these are my two favorite stanzas. they are amazing. keep up the good work!
~Amberlee

[Erotic Goddess]

I want to reach out and touch.
I�m afraid it might be to much.
I�m looking out the window once more,
I�m afraid we�ll say good-bye and I�ll hit the floor.

OH that and the last stanza!! DAMN! I love the way you write, the flow and rhythm are absolute amazement! Thank you so much for sharing this with me!

[Brianna Brie]

Love�s not simple, love�s not clean.
Love�s complex, and sometimes mean.
Listen, can�t you hear the wind whisper,
It sings quietly, its chorus; �Kiss her�.

True, true, true...this one made me cry. Looking forward to reading more of your poems.

[Matthew Kult]

Should never cheat on someone. If you don't want to be with them, they are just a phone call and a answering machine away, however....I am not bashful and I assure you I get you into the dark woods well.....Let's just say....I will make you "Famous".

You twisted this a bit as far as style, I love it. I like the sophistication although you stayed true to the basic style. The flow was a little off but this poem isn't about flow more about meaning. The meaning about it and that moment in time is much more important than any structure. Well done

I could feel your emotions and you painted me a picture. Great Job.