To Swim Then Soar

everlasting love beyond even deaths reaches

My love how will you go on
When life is moving swiftly by
And you stand still in the animated city
And bow your head to cry

When you'll hide in corners
How will you survive
When in the dark of your room
You'll pray to die

And when morning breaks the jaw of nights capture
You'll cower under the sheets
You'll close your raw eyes
And relief you'll seek

My darling how will you bear
Because the pain my loss will bring you
The nothingness inside
At your heart it will tear

Oh my sweet
Will you hide yourself away
Forever will you pull from the world
In the corner, under the sheets, and in the dark you'll lay

You'll live in the pain
Sit and stare at the hole
Thinking about what you had
And in the end, you'll drown

I try to tell you
To give you warning
To prepare for the inevitable
But you're busy soaring

And it hurts to see you so happy
Because I know it won't last long
When this cancer takes me
I'll be gone

I know you're scared to see
Scared to admit
To look upon this illness
You'd like it to be a trick

But my darling,
My body cannot lie
As much as I wish it to
In a few days I will die

Leaving you behind
I'll cry for you
And you for me
And together we'll live in our sea

Of our waters we will dwell
Exposed and shameless we'll lay bare
Death's coarse razor
That cut me out and brought despair

But remember my love,
I am always yours
To you the end will come one day
And when it does, once again we will soar

Author's Note

criticism, advice, any comments whatsoever are appreciated and welcomed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviews

[i wish to win you with ..]

i liked what i read. hahaha, i have a short attention span now a days so i didnt rad the whole thing but ill get to it

[Jordan Madrid]

Let me start off by saying that I liked this poem. However, I wanted to love it. There are are some lines in this poem that are unique and beautiful. I found myself getting to those lines excited, only to be disappointed and bored by the following couple of lines. This website, it seems, is all about giving each other obligatory pats on the back for being able to string words together. I, like you, hold myself to something higher and am on here looking for some real criticisms. The general psychology of people prevent them from doing this however, because they think, well if i don't say something nice about them, then they won't say anything nice about me. My arrogance is boundless however, and I have no such problems. I don't care if you hate my stuff, as long as you tell me why you don't like it. Something about your poem seems false and I hate that it is because like I said, I really wanted to love it.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your winning poem. Well done!

[Paladin4life]

Wonderful poem! Thank you for entering my contest. This is magnificent. How creative it is to write from the perspective of the loved one that is about to die instead of the other way around. I enjoyed the line my body cannot lie. It speaks of the bonds of this natural world that keep humanity in check in this life. I am thankful that as you mentioned in this poem there is coming another life after this one in which the pain and suffering of this world will not even be a memory for us. Thanks again for entering my contest! God bless.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Very well written poem. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[MandarinOranges]

And when morning breaks the jaw of nights capture

that is one amazing line. the whole poem is well done, full of emotions that most are lucky enough to never realize.

But my darling,
My body cannot lie
As much as I wish it to
In a few days I will die

i don't know what i'd do if i ever had to hear (or speak) those words.

a beautifully powerful piece, good job!

[An owl on the moon]

A dark sadness drapes your words like midnight in the rain... I could taste the pain, the bitterness... Yet somehow a light, ever so faint, crept up through your words. You are brilliant...

Craig