SLURPEE

            A man, sixty-fivish,  walked into a 7-Eleven and approached the counter.  This was the first time he’d ever been to a 7-eleven because they don’t have any where he comes from.  And he is from Virginia in a town called Farmville.

            He walked up to the cashier, a boy, no more than seventeen,  and said,“I’ll have a jigger of bourbon, young man.”

            “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell alcoholic beverages here,” the boy replied.

            “ What! This ain’t no dry county, is it?” the old man asked.

            “We’re a convenience store, sir,” the boy informed him.

            “Ain’t nothing convenient about it if I have to go elsewhere for a jigger of bourbon, now is it?”

            “We have a large selection of beverages that you might be interested in trying, sir.” the boy said.

“For instance, we have what is called a Slurpee.  Just recently, it has been redesigned to come in a mason jar with a ‘stache straw.”  He pulled out a pink lidded mason jar and fills it with a blended Slurpee of maple brown sugar, Jamaican ugli, and Peeps called Slick Sally and explained the flavor he was pouring from the dispensing machine.  Then he pulled out a straw with a British handle-bar mustache on it.

            “You see, sir, the mason jar is free with your first Slurpee, then the refills are half off,” the boy explained proudly. “ You can take it home with you along with the ‘stache straw.”

            “A Mason jar! We fill those things up with moonshine.  None of that girly sweet stuff,” The old man exclaimed.

            “Won’t you like to try it, anyway, sir?” the boy asked.

            “I guess there ain’t no harm in trying it, I might as well,”  the old man said, looking around to see if anybody was looking at him.  He took the mason jar, inspecting the ‘stache straw and put it up to his mouth.  The ‘stache fit perfectly over his lip. He sipped the icy magenta concoction and a smile began to creep up onto this face upon his first gulp.  He cleared his throat and assumed a poker face.  He went to the coffee cart and enjoyed the rest of Slick Sally.  Something about it reminded him of his old submarine days during the Vietnam War.  He’s tasted this fruit before but didn’t know what it was.  He remembers it because it was on the eve of the Tet Offensive that his girl, Anh Dung, fed it to him as they sailed the Mekong River. That was the first and only time he had ever tasted the fruit.  Then  one day, he comes to  some Yankee convenient store fifty years later and what do you know. It comes in some kind of concoction called a Slurpee.

 

  He didn’t want to admit that he liked Slick Sally so after he paid for it he wandered to the back of the store where the food was.  He decided he was going to get a hot dog.  So he brought one to the counter and paid for it.  He knew it could not be as good as Virginia’s own famous Timmy’s Hot Dogs from Victoria. He took a bite of it, and Dagnabbit!  He hated to admit but it tasted better Timmy’s.  These damn Yankees with their Slurpees and their stupid hot dogs.

 

Meanwhile, he had finished Slick Sally and wanted to try another flavor.  He perused the dispenser, looking at names that could’ve won the purse at the Kentucky Derby. But one stood out to him.  He helped himself to a purple Slurpee, called Love Saves the Day.  It was a blend of lemon verbena,  Swedish fish, and Dentyne.  He wondered why they would mix in Swedish fish into a sweet drink.  It probably gives it an extra kick being that it comes from Sweden and all, he thought.

            “I see you picked Love Saves the Day, or as the youths fondly call it, LSD.  Excellent choice.  I’m a fan of Swedish fish myself, they were my favorite as a child.”

            “Pretty fancy, y’all eating fish from Sweden.  I catch my own fish in the Appomattox.  It took eight hours to catch one grouper that fed my whole family.  We ain’t had no fancy fish that didn’t come out of the Appomattox or the James River and every river in between.

            “Swedish fish is the name of a candy, sir. It’s gummy.  As a matter of fact we have some here.  Would you like to see them?”

            “Sure,” the old man replied.

            The cashier took him to the candy aisle and showed him a small plastic bag of Swedish fish.

            “Would you like to try some, sir?”

            “Might as well,”

            The cashier opened the bag and poured a few into the old man’s palm.  He inspected the candy, smelled them and squeezed them.  He put them in his mouth and started chewing.  He immediately spit them out and said, “Are you trying to kill me?”

            “Sir?”

            “I ain’t got but false teeth.  They’re sticking to my dentures.”

            “Forgive me, sir, for my mindlessness.  Here at 7-eleven we aim to please.  Especially for first time visitors like yourself.  Please, try LSD, I’m sure you’ll enjoy this one.”

 

            The old man walked to the back where the coolers were and looked at the beverages as he drank LSD.  He liked the subtle nuances of the Swedish fish.  It complemented the medley of lemon verbena and the robust flavor of cinnamon of Dentyne.  They didn’t have anything like this in Farmville.  It brought to mind the girl he had in Cambodia, Pan Ti.  It was her long black hair.  It always smelled like cinnamon.  They used to ride elephants together on the beaches of Koh Rong.  To this day, he gets a whiff of it on the breeze when he’s out fishing at the Staunton River.  He begrudgingly admitted to himself that he actually liked the Slurpee.  He wanted to try all the flavors before he left this store and had to walk back to his daughter’s house.  How she could ever want to live in a place called Woods Hole he will never understand.   He finished the LSD and went back to the cashier.

            “Did you enjoy Love Saves the Day, sir?” the boy asked.

            “Yeah, it was alright. What else ya got?” the old man asked.

            “We have a bold Slurpee called the Moaning Mockingbird.  This is a mixture of wild aloe straight from the succulents surrounding  Area 51, Cuban sugar cane and Guatemalan flan.  The old man’s mouth started watering.  The boy took out a green lidded mason jar and filled it with the aqua slush and put in a hulk ‘stache straw, named after Hulk Hogan.  His friend Bubba had the same mustache.  “With our compliments.  I insist,”  said the cashier.  As he sipped the Slurpee he got flashbacks of shore leave in Olongopo.  This was his choice city for leave.  He had this Filipino girl at the port, what was her name…Amabilis.   He remembered she was sweet like sugar cane but as crazy as flossing a dead horse.  It's a known fact that the the hotter they are the crazier they are, and she was one hot peach.  She saw him talking to another girl at the Ragtie club one night and came at him with a coconut.Done got him in the balls.  He fell in love with her on the spot.  These Slurpees were getting him all sentimental like.

 

By this time the old man was having a sugar rush and started humming “God Bless America.”   He wished he could bring a couple Slurpees back to the guys at the VFW in Keysville.   They done gone to Hamburger Hill but they won’t go north of the Mason-Dixon Line.  He went to the dispenser one more time to get one for the road.  He wadn’t hankering for a jigger of bourbon now.  He picked one out called the Mercury Cougar.  This contained a blend of black licorice, Sumatran coffee bean, spumoni, and rhubarb pie.  He thanked the young’un for his hospitality before leaving the 7-eleven.  Out the door he took one sip of the Mercury Cougar and was immediately reminded of the time…

 

           

 

 

Reviews

[Kieta!]

Hahaha xD This is such a funny story :D I like this a lot :) Great job!!!! :)

[Meat of Dog]

I laughed right away! I like culture shock themes (had a lot of it in my life). It was funny to think of someone never having a Slurpee before which added to the humor and uniqueness of this story, in addition to the flavor combination, wowzers! I could just hear the old man’s voice in that accent as he talked haha. The character is a caricature, a little stereotypical (but I think that was intentional for humor). Despite that, he was still relatable to what it feels like to enter a new place and learn to like it by defying your held expectations of your old home. This story could use a little tightening up but otherwise it was very good and very sweet, I’m glad I read it! I look forward to more requests from you.


Suggestions:

“seventeen, and said,“I’ll have a” Extra space before ‘and’ and needs a space after ‘said,’

“I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell alcoholic beverages here” Nitpick alert: I would reword this to ‘we don’t sell hard alcohol here’ or something of that nature because they do sell alcohol at convenience stores (beer, malt liquor, ext.).

“that the the hotter” Extra ‘the’.

[Mia Sparrow]

thank you for such a thoughtful review. i know, i guess i am so perfunctory about proofreading my own stuff. since i am so lazy i will make those necessary changes by and by...i'm glad you appreciated the humor and my over exaggeration of the old southern vet. in new jersey, where i'm from, there aren't any alcohol in 7 elevens. i've never heard of that. that's great they do where you're from.

[Meat of Dog]

No problem! That's what I do! I like giving critique that can be helpful and in depth. I really liked the southern vet he was fun. I didn't know there were places that didn't see; alcohol at convenience stores! It is cool they do do it here it's... convenient hur hur.

[The Twin Arenas]

why am I just reading this now?

slurpees, vietnam, and the appomattox are some of my favourite things.

old man dialogue was a bit cartoony, but I think this was like supposed to like cartoony. it f****n' bounced at me. nice. best i've read tonight.

[Marie]

This is excellent. I love your descriptions of the different Slurpees...and the old man's reaction to them...