heaven to hell

heaven to hell

A Poem by Siliousneo

I watch my angel change into the devil
She ripped me down from heaven to hell
she's keeping my lil angel in a world without
I'll try and be there for him
I'll try and give him what i can
Im a good father and a good man
Problem is i have a past
those who know me know the truth
those who know me know ill be there for them to the end
so i sit here down in hell
wishing i was in heaven instead of hell

© 2013 Siliousneo



Author's Note

Siliousneo
theres a story behind this but its to hurtful to tell

My Review

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Reviews

I think this is a very well-written poem, but the last two lines sound strange since hell was rhymed with itself. Reading your authors note, I think you could replace the last line of the poem with that.

So instead of

"so i sit here down in hell
wishing i was in heaven instead of hell"

You could say

"so I sit here down in hell
there's a story behind this but its too hurtful to tell."

Posted 4 Years Ago


Deep and full of feeling. thank you for sharing

Posted 4 Years Ago


This is well writen, i really enjoyed this.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Can we be friends that you would disclose the story behind his write up

Posted 4 Years Ago


nice cadence, the flow and rhythm in the piece is very good.
well done on the emotions as well. You are reaching into yourself and writing from your heart that is a step many authors have a hard time with.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Very heartfelt...and i could really feel the pain you channeled into this. Great write, i enjoyed it =)

Posted 4 Years Ago


Silhouette

4 Years Ago

Plus knowing what you've been through kinda helps, too... =(
Good read and write. Your past is forgivable no matter what other people think, its who you are now that matters.

Posted 4 Years Ago



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279 Views
7 Reviews
Added on March 28, 2013
Last Updated on March 28, 2013

Author

Siliousneo
Siliousneo

Williams, MN



About
Im a father of four with a history most people judge me the wrong way simply cause of my past all im trying to do is get by hope you like what i have to put down here as they are things ive felt over .. more..

Writing