Siren's Song Chapter 1

Callum prepares for his daily duties.

“CALLUM!!!” Alyssa shrieked, staring, aghast, at her reflection. More specifically, she was gawking at her formerly blonde hair which was now a nauseating shade of neon green. The responsible party could be heard giggling as he hurried in to admire his work.

 

 “I think green suits you, Ally”, Callum joked leaning against the doorway.

 

 “Callum, this isn’t a joke. You really need to grow up.” Alyssa lectured as she attempted to turn her hair back to its original color; it almost worked, but the tips of her hair proved to be stubborn. “Callum, please just fix it.”

 

 “Nah, you look better this way. By the way, have you seen my shoes, the black loafers?”           

 

“Fix my hair and I’ll tell you.” Alyssa negotiated, her tone smug.

 

 “Fine, but you’re lucky I need my shoes.” Callum relented, effortlessly returning her hair back to its natural shade of dirty blonde. “Now where are they?”

 

“They’re in the closet by the stairs. Where are you going so dressed up on a Saturday?” Alyssa asked, noting her little brother’s unusually dapper appearance. He had on pressed black slacks, a crisp white button up, a green bowtie, and his formal black cloak, which she knew from his complaints, was rather scratchy.    

 

 “Resident wizard business, one of the towns’ glamours needs to be strengthened.”

 

 “Do you need a ride?”

 

 “No I’m just going to take the broom.”

 

 “Not in that outfit you’re not, you’d ruin it. Come on, I'll give you a ride.”

 

 “Thanks, won't you be late though? I thought you were hanging out with Hazel today. I could ask Graham."

 

 "She'll understand, no need to bother him." With that it was settled, Callum went to get his shoes on and Alyssa quickly pulled on jeans and a blue and grey striped sweater. She managed to pull her hair into a semi-presentable bun before she realized that they were going to be late and shoved Callum out the door.

 

 

---

 

 "I knew you'd be late Alyssa, but this is later than even I could see coming." Hazel teased pulling her friend into a hug.

 

"I'm sorry! Callum thought my hair would look better green and then he needed a ride." Alyssa explained "Is it just me or are you taller?" She questioned tilting her head up to look at her friend. She was pretty sure she didn't usually look up to Hazel.

 

   "Oh, maybe just a few inches, But I couldn't help it! I'm feeling larger than life!" Hazel enthused, her large golden wings fluttering excitedly.

 

   "What's got you in such a good mood? Whatever it is, I approve. It’s nice to see you so happy."

 

   "Aww! Well, you know the competitions coming up right?"

 

   "Of course." Alyssa laughed.

 

    "Well my mom has been selected to hold the annual ball, which means I get to help plan it! I'm thinking a masquerade theme would be so fun!" Her large brown eyes were shining with excitement.

 

   "Somehow, I'm not so certain this will be fun."

 

  "Oh shush! You had fun at the last one."

 

"That was different, no one expected Callum to win, he was just entering for the experience. There wasn't any stress. Now one of those people could steal my brother’s position."

 

"You having fun isn't going to cause Callum to lose, so relax, Alyssa. Now we need to get you a new dress for it. Everybody's gonna be there so you have to look fabulous."

 

  "You're right, I do need a new dress. I have to make sure I look my best."

 

  "I foresaw a bigger fight."

 

  "It's for Callum's benefit; I should get him some new dress robes too."

 

  "Whatever gets you a new dress, but you know, Alyssa, it's okay to do things for yourself."

 

  "I know, but I get everything I need."

 

  "It's okay to get things just because you want them, especially since you buy Callum things he doesn't need all the time."

 

  "He needs the things I buy him!"

 

   "If you say so" Hazel said, but the eye roll she gave Alyssa was more telling. "I'm just glad we're shopping."  

 

"So where do we go first?" 

 

"I foresee us having the most luck at Dillard's."

 

 

----

 

 

    "What do you think of this one?" Alyssa asked, modeling a sky blue A-line dress with white lace trim.

 

   "It highlights your petite figure, but it's too simple. This is my ball after all, it's gonna be huge. You need something amazing!"

 

  "I know, I know." Alyssa headed back to her dressing room; this was the fifth dress Hazel had rejected. She was starting to resent her BFF’s perfectionism. Despite that, she was having fun. It was nice to go shopping for herself for a change, even if it was for an event she didn't really want to go to. She changed into the last dress she'd picked out and went to model the floor length green chiffon dress for Hazel.

 

  "This is definitely the best one you've tried on so far. The green really brings out your eyes," Hazel complimented, “but while you were changing I saw a dress I thought you might like more," she added.

 

"Okay but this is the last one, we need to find some dresses for you too. It's your party." Alyssa agreed. She twirled a bit in her dress, enjoying its silky feel before changing once again.

 

"Oh, I'm making my own dress."

 

 "Was this shopping trip all to get me a dress then?"

 

 "Well, maybe… you really needed a new dress Alyssa." At Alyssa's amused expression, Hazel added "I'm gonna go grab that dress, you'll love it. Trust me." Alyssa admired her figure in the mirror. She doubted Hazel could top this dress, but she was willing to keep an open mind. Hazel returned, holding a pink dress. She quickly handed it to Alyssa and shoved her back into the dressing room. Alyssa took a moment to admire the dress, it was beautiful. The top was lace that led to a chiffon skirt. Alyssa left the dressing room and modeled the mellifluent gown for Hazel.

 

  "Oh Alyssa you look stunning! It's perfect!"

 

  "You really think so?"

 

   "Yes, please tell me you're going to buy it."

 

   "I'm going to buy it," Alyssa promised.

 

Hazel gave an excited cheer. "Trust me you're going to be glad you dressed up. Now we need to find you some shoes to match your new dress." Hazel said, already dragging Alyssa to the shoe department.

 

Hazel picked out a pair of pink heels and brought them to Alyssa, "These would be super cute with the dress."

 

"Like I could walk in those high of heels," Alyssa muttered skeptically.

 

"I'll cast a charm on them you'll be fine."

 

"Well in that case I guess I'll try them on." 

 

"Wait" Hazel commanded. Her eyes had fogged over and Alyssa could tell that she was having a vision. When Hazel snapped to, she added "the heels will fit just give me your card. Callum needs you. He's waiting at home."

 

"Is he okay? What's wrong with him?"

 

"I don't know I'm sorry that's all I saw."

 

With that, Alyssa quickly handed her card to Hazel and headed home. 

Author's Note

Looking for any constructive feedback. Mostly looking for how you think the direction of the story develops.

Reviews

[Lydia Bowers]

Hmmm. I really like how you pulled me in at the beginning of the story, I wanted to know what happened. :)

[emipoemi]

Alrighty, then.... *stretched fingers*...... This has an excellent beginning, first off: the characters are presented with as much detail as necessary for introduce them, and the chapter ends with a good cliffhanger. Careful with over-explanation and cryptic-speak. Your readers are smart and have great imaginations if you set up the scenes just right, but we're not mindreaders, so there are some details like Hazel's psychic abilities that should be mentioned as one of the first things we know about her, for there were certain lines that didn't fit too well in the flow of the scenes because it didn't provide enough information to understand what was going on. Another comment is if you're going to add the theme of magic, but still the necessity to go about non-magical activities, you should set up a boundary as to the extent of the magical abilities (also, add some actions to those magical moments so we see how how the charm/spells are cast). Final comment would be to not be afraid of narration. You use the three dots of transition twice in this chapter, but really they only need to be used once. The other time can be nicely transitioned to by a paragraph of narration to introduce this town, which we haven't seen in any way shape or form yet.....we really haven't seen the house where Callum and Alyssa live yet either or how many people live in that house (saying "responsible party" is a bit misleading, for it's not common that a "party" in this sense would be viewed as a single person). So that's that. Overall, it moves well, the dialogue is gripping, the characters are round enough so far. Simply make a few tweaks so readers are really drawn into the story (and also understand it more), and you'll be off to the races. Good start!!

[iwantcandy]

This is starting out wonderfully!!!!

[horriblyhealthy]

I really like the dialogue it feels really real. It's a bit of a slow start but I'm really excited to see where it goes. Nice job!!