Paradoxical Meanings

The thoughts in my head as they swarm

Telling me the news of the day

Hitting, hitting me - with this oddness. Bogged down

In a murky foreignness - tending to slide

Into oblivion



From oblivion, from the swirl of the negative swarm

Heart, cracking, under the pressure

Body holding me down: the climate

Of my mental weather



Daunting tasks, roads, avenues whose places

I know not where they lead.

My mental creed. How I decide

But struggling amidst a world whose meaning

Makes my world elide.



How. My mind utters, my heart quakes. My mind shutters

The pounding of the feeling, the echos in my mind

Standing at the side, waiting, circumscribing

Breaking into me, and breaking the minds findings



Is there emotion? Feeling good? Feeling good and good self esteem?

Is this how the healthy mind careens? Skipping seams

In living a life - so foreign - more like another persons dreams?



I can't say. I don't know. I can't tell.

The mental component, pulling back, making room

Withdrawing from commitment to the meaning; questioning,

Am I this because of how my body feels?

And the mind that reals, no more than a delusion,

A covering, a husk or apples peal.



Not knowing the dissociation of self from life

The Witness who watches, pleasure or strife

Distanced, yet compassionately resolved

How can a mind so lucid, so watchful, yet feel so involved?



Calm, breathe, relax, accept. The cognitive and the body

Attitudes and categories, sensations and breathing

The mind seething and the body heaving -

Exhale, take in the relaxing meaning -

Stabilize your mind with concentrated breathing

To stimulate life, exhale, accept -

The paradoxical meaning