A Word

this is a vow to myself to become the writer I want to be.

A word. 

I cant think of the word but it comes to mind. 

Its lingering inside my eye lids, on the tip of my tongue yet I am tongue tied, because of a cat that was trying to escape the words of a b***h.

The word is solemn and doubtful. 

It means courageous but forgotten.

It’s there.

It is haunting me, stuck in my head, festering in my conscience, mind numbingly painful like a brain freeze after a cold hard slurp of forgetfulness.

I bite my tongue, chew on my lip, chatter my teeth trying to investigate what this word is. 

Why won’t it find me.

Maybe I have to find it, after all language wasn’t created to find you, it was created to be found.

Language the art of communication using words to heal, to hurt, to infect, to spread. 

Words are an epidemic of sorts. Well they were .

Until people vaccinated themselves with hashtags and small talk.

Where has language gone? 

Its missing, and I miss it. It is missing from me and the world around me.

Words used to help us travel and laugh and share but all they do now is ruin.

They ruin the reputation of a culture, the word “terrorist” now an association of the middle east rather than “help!”, “refuge” or “PEOPLE”.

They ruin a girls self esteem, the comments such as “yuk” or “fat” on a photo of her of more value to her than the words “smart” or “capable”.

They ruin the hopes of a man wanting to talk to a girl hearing her friends whisper “league” or “creep”, when really all he wanted to be was “loyal” and “respectful”.

Words have turned to labels, and thats not just to be able to separately identify white sugar from brown, it is done with the intention of dividing entire culture, entire movement, and an entire persons potential of opinion from them selves.

As if a crowbar couldn’t pry away society from its values, words buried their way in and vacuum sealed the whole f*****g border between what it is to be human and what it is to have humanity.

We have traded our brain cells for gigabytes and as each year the dictionary gets bigger, the words get smaller.

 People  are now talking with characters rather than character.

A word. A language. A people that has under estimated the power and industry behind them. Thats the word; underestimated- a courage that has been forgotten or unseen.

Cut down all our trees for models in magazines that cater to those who have turned these words against us.

Now I’ve found the word, my tongue is untied, now a whip to those who criticise; A sling shot to the cat that kept it for so long, no longer a platform for those who try to diminish my knowledge through the scroll of a screen.

I will no longer under estimate what it is to be a writer, and what it is to be a human with the conscience and drive to write.

I will write, and when I write I will not forget any more words, but revive their capabilities and remove the labels that have stuck. 

Never again will I seise to provide justice to what this era is found on; truth, character and a good adventure rather than todays bullshit, body image and camera filters.

Don’t underestimate me.