If I die young

If I die young,

and no this is not the song.

But I figured this would likely be happening

If not, what are the odds?

The first seconds.

Crying would be all over the room. 

The people I love, my mom, my sister, my grandparents are all present.

I couldn't calm them down. 

Guilty.

I feel alone suddenly.

Knowing I'm on my own now.

A familiar figure approaches.

My father holds me close, since i'm now with him.

"You're with me now" he said.

Tears flowing from his dark brown eyes.

"I know it's the hardest"

I nodded, sobbing with him.

The first hours.

I'm in a terribly fast ambulance.

The whole family's waiting at home.

My mom's holding my hand, and hugging my sister with her other arm.

My father's there too.

Invisible to my mother's eye.

A white fabric covers my face.

But it's not troubling my breath. 

Sirens are heard.

We're going really fast.

The driver's tired. 

And wants to hurry home.

The first morning.

My boyfriend came.

His eyes red.

Falls down to his knees.

Still can't bear to see me.

We were it.

He and I, we both knew about it.

But he kissed my forehead.

Still regretting why he can't meet me for one last time.

Memories flash through.

Our first date, our first kiss.

How he taught me to drive, and how we got into a motorcycle accident.

My friends pull him and hugged him tight.

I wish I could hug you.

But I'll let my friends do that.

The first day.

My friends came.

People I cared about came.

People who dissed me came.

Everyone felt like they knew me.

I guess people love you more when you're gone.

My experiences are told.

My secrets are spilled.

"Well she's gone, it's not like she's gonna do anything"

So they said, burying my dead body and throwing flowers.

"We'll miss you" they said.

Not when I'm alive you don't.

Save your tears.

I'll be doing okay.

The first week.

My mom still has red eyes.

It hurts me to look at her like that.

I'm sorry I disappointed you.

I hope you're strong.

I have my father to protect me here.

My friends are going to their classes.

But I hear them crying in the bathroom.

I'm sorry I'm not there for you.

The first month.

Everyone's gonna be doing their own thing.

It sure is nice to get blue roses and to have someone visit me.

The hardest part is to hear them cry and I can't even do anything.

I remember I wanted to be alone.

And now I am. For the rest of my ...life

It hurts for me too.

Calm down.

Everything's gonna be alright.

But.. 

What if my sister fails at school?

What if my mom's depressed?

What if my friends find someone new?

What if my boyfriend meets a new girl?

I'm vanishing.

I'm being forgotten.

And no one could hear me screaming.