Depressing thoughts

A short monologue of a girl afraid to go outside.

The only time somebody truly appreciates something is when it is taken away from them.

I think of this as I take a sneak peek at the world outside my window.

The sun shining bright. The blue sky. The fluffy white clouds. The number of people basking in all of its glory. The smiling faces of some people as they chat away with each other. The warm and peaceful expressions of the others that either are watering their plants or are walking back to their home, grocery in hand.

It sure is peaceful outside.

I envy these people.

How are they not afraid of going outside?

The outside is full of uncertainties.

The outside is full of factors nobody can control.

One moment, something indescribable that changes the course of their whole lives can happen.

How are they happily smiling and enjoying the world outside with that thought.

Or is it because… They don’t know about it?

…

I doubt it. I’m sure they know about it.

Then how?

…

Well whatever. It doesn’t matter how I feel.

I turn my eyes towards the mirror in front of me and observe myself with the little lighting the window provided.

Black round eyes with bags under them. Unkempt long dark hair that reaches to my back. A plain oversize white t-shirt hanging loosely to one side and pink shorts that reveal a portion of my thighs. Pale white skin. Fragile thin body.

I see my eyes twitch a moment and my mouth turn to a frown as I realize how pathetic I look.

I chuckle at how helpless I look.

I turn away from my reflection and lie face down on my bed adjacent to the mirror. I look up for a few moments to scan the room full of my ideals. People, role models, I consider I want to become someday.

I sigh.

This place is safe.

This place is certain.

This place is absolute.

I am the god of this place.

I can control and change it to my liking.

Nobody would care about how I look here.

Nobody would care about how I act here.

Nothing would ever change here.

Nothing would ever be created or added here.

Why would I want to go outside where a lot of things are not under my control?

That’s just stupid and idiotic and I don’t want to be part of that ever-changing world.

Author's Note

Any comments would be appreciated.

Reviews

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Wanting control over your own life.. I can relate to that.. I liked the various musings here on human nature.. Excellently put!

[Dust That Drifts Throug..]

This is a good story altogether about wanting to have some control over the chaos of life. I really enjoy the first sentence: "The only time somebody truly appreciates something is when it is taken away from them."