distance.

Why doesn’t he care? And (because he doesn’t) why do I care so much? How come limerence, though leaving such a bitter taste in my mouth, still snakes its way into my heart, and latches itself into the deepest confines of my mind? Why do I torture myself like this? Day after day, I am so paralyzed in admiration that I am forced to onlook as my nightmares become reality. I’m a bystander to my fears played out, to my deepest and darkest suspicions as they are realized. I disappear into the background and you don’t care. You don’t even notice it, let alone acknowledge my irrelevance. That’s part of it, is it not? The gut feeling that no part of me is validated without you, and the even more poingent hurt that comes from the future without you. I am ready, less than I think but more than you know. I’m ready for you to finalize the space between us, or (worse yet) to lengthen it. I see the emptiness in your eyes when you look at me, the complacency when you meet my gaze. I am not alarmed nor saddened so much as betrayed. Look what I have done for you. Look at what I have lost for you. Look at you- deciding that it is nothing. If I could so easily give you the world, would I not? You have captured my attention, my thoughts, my dreams- do not take my pride, my dignity, me.

They say there is no finality in distance that time cannot collapse.

And so, they too, have forgotten me.

Author's Note

This is still a work in progress, please be kind.