i hate you

i hate you

A Poem by rosalie
"

short story about how people interpret different things.

"

I Hate You


I hate you she says.

I hate you so much she screams as he leaves.

She breaks, she falls, she cries.

She tries to say the three words that he wanted to hear but they fall off her tongue in despair.

Funny he says I've always loved you.

She looks up.

She tries to return the words but nothing comes out.

Her heart so wounded she can't even say the three words. Saying how she truly feels.

Her last chance as he walks out the door.

she slips to a sob.

I hate you she says over again.

I hate you she whispers as she picks up a pen and writes the words her heart has forgotten.

Her I Hate you was her I Love You.




© 2017 rosalie



Author's Note

rosalie
I'm not sure how I feel about this one so please tell me your thoughts.

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Reviews

i like the idea. I know so many people who actually act pretty in the same way, its hard for them to express those good feelings and say " i love you" so they act totally opposite. so they are or afraid of the feelings or just dont know how to show it in a right way

Posted 2 Days Ago


Exceptionally powerful. It certainly projects the often conflicting emotions we experience in our romantic relationships. Good work!

Posted 1 Week Ago


More then a poem, I'd say it sounds more as a piece of fiction, a desperate glimpse of a difficult but rather touching story. Verses are free from rhymes and from other retorical figures:due to this choice, the poem has the power of 'telling' a vivid moment of acute emotion. It's interesting also the fact that you decided not to explain a little more the situation here: he says 'I love you', but from her reactions it seems that he is responsible for something awfull. The reader has to wonder if he did something bad before this act (in which case he may seems as a pretender, trying to be forgiven by saying those three words) or else she is so upset because he confessed his own feelings (in which other case, she may be living a complex and tormented feeling of love and denial).
Honestly, I'd try to go deeper, explore a little more the situation, leave some hint. Or else, if your purpos was exactly to leave the mystery, add some few details to make the scene even more powerfull (eg: add some adjective to describe her feelings or the surrounding of the scene; even better: describe the surrounding as you would describe her own inner world, in order to confuse the line between what is inside and what is outside).
In short: remarkably powerfull but somehow incomplete.

Posted 1 Week Ago


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I think this is a really powerful peice, and I actually think I understand the context. I've been in a situation that mirrors this poem. I'd suggest capitalizing the title, and I'm not sure I completely understand the line "Funny he says I've always loved you." But it's a very sad and powerful poem, that I enjoyed and can relate to.

QueenKy

Posted 2 Weeks Ago



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Added on November 29, 2017
Last Updated on November 29, 2017

Author

rosalie
rosalie

portland, OR



About
Ive always loved writing but I've never had the confidence to share my work, until one day a friend told me to be an island in a world of continents. they told me to be myself and not worry about what.. more..

Writing
let go let go

A Poem by rosalie