Slipping Under

Written: 2006

Who is this person that is masked by this shell that covers her? The shell is broken and bruised, tough and impenetrable.

Underneath is a resemblance of the person she once was. Each time a tiny sliver of light shows through, the pain and fear engulf her and she’s shielded under in the abyss.

Fighting to break through, but having no strength and no hope. Banging, knocks and attempts to break her out fails, she clings onto her legs pinned to her chest and hides in fear.

Fear of being hurt by another person, fear of letting someone in. All she’s known is the flooded abyss of her life, and no matter who tries to wash it away, it remains.

Eyes shielded and body bent she continues to hide in the corner of her mind, unable to allow change. Staying in this position is a known, if she stays like this she can survive, even for a short time.

If she drops her hands and raises her head, there could be consequences. She could get hurt yet again, she could be pushed into the abyss further and further.

The darkness could spread and she could be left with nothing, so the attempts to break her out are useless. They are useless but she clings to them.

The thought of being pulled out and lifted up from the darkness and into the light is a strange comfort. A comfort that is unattainable, yet desirable.

For now, she hides and she listens. For now, she stays and she clings to the tiny sliver of light that cracks through once and awhile. For now, she waits and she tries not to be swallowed whole.