Hannah

                        No girl goes into a relationship wondering how it will end. Hanna did. She wasn’t looking for a relationship, she was perfectly content with the people she was regularly surrounded by. Normally Hannah was considered outgoing, goofy, loud, funny. But for the past few months Hannah kept to herself, she didn’t speak much, she tried to stay out of people’s way, she only spoke when spoken to. But it wasn’t really her choice to be that way. She had gone through so much over the past year, that she was hoping she would sink into the background, she was wishing she could forget everything that had happened, she wanted to forget almost everyone and everything.

           Now what you have to understand about Hannah was that she had a fairly pretty face, but she was overweight. It was her biggest struggle, something she just didn’t seem to be able to face. Every diet she tried either made her depressed, or it made her moody, or it simply didn’t work. Her Dr. Had told her that if she didn’t lose the weight then she would need surgery, or she would die.

         Right before the Dr. Had told her that, one of her best friends had just moved away, people in her school were spreading rumors about her, they were saying she was having sex with her friend Henry. Henry was into witch craft, and prayed to small little weird dolls. Hannah only hung out with him because he was all alone, and he was sweet when he really wanted to be, he excepted her for whatever she was. And she had to give him credit for that, considering he was the only one who did so.  So he was a little odd Hannah would say to herself, so was she, and she was sure he was getting some sort of help. She hoped so at least.

       The rumor’s got so bad though, she and Henry stopped spending time together. Neither one could handle the gossip, they were already outcasts, and there really is nothing Hannah could think of that was below an outcast.

      When that happened Hannah lost all trust in people, she simply stopped believing anything anyone told her. She couldn’t take the risk. When someone would compliment her, she would role her eyes and wonder what terrible scheme they had planned against her. When someone would chose to come over and talk to Hannah, she would always tell that person to stop giving her pity conversation. Hannah was not a mean person, but her guard was so high up, she just couldn’t see the good in anything and anyone. And simply she didn’t even try to see the good in anything or anyone, everyone except a few of her friends were just mean, rude, cruel, and she didn’t bother wasting any time on any of them.

       Hannah was a Christian, she went to church every Sunday, she read her Bible, and she prayed. She was faithful to her church Youth Group, but after everything started falling apart, she stopped going. She just decided they didn’t really need her, and no one was going to miss her. Her youth leader was leaving, and she had met the new leader and she was far from the kind of person Hannah really wanted to be around. This young women really didn’t seem to want to be there, she didn’t really seem to like any of the girls in her group, Hannah assumed she just wanted to be there because the other youth leaders were her friends, so she went to spend time with them, not her youth group girl’s. This just confirmed Hannah’s belief that her world was crumbling

        Now another thing you need to keep in mind, Hannah was a romantic at heart. She loved seeing old couples holding hands walking on the side walk together, she thought kissing in the rain was about as romantic as it gets. But she was a realist, all her friends were getting into relationships at 11 12 13 years old and younger. And Hannah would always inform them that it wouldn’t last and that they shouldn’t get their hopes up. She got a little flack for this, but in the end she always turned up to be right. Her friends would come back to her sulking, and she would always lend them her shoulder to cry on. Her friends didn’t exactly continue to listen to her even though she had been right the first time, didn’t mean they stopped getting into relationships at a very young age. And as much as Hannah new that a relationship had a 1% chance of actually turning into something at the age 13, she couldn’t help being a bit jealous that her friends even had the option.

     Now Hannah wasn’t ugly or anything, even though she struggled with her weight. She was considered to be quite pretty. She had nice brown shade of hair, big lips, she had been told that she had pretty eyes. But this didn’t stop Hannah from being self conscious about her body. In a way she just ruled out the possibility of ever having any guy like her.

       Her parents were always reminding her that she had a weight problem, but if she lost the weight then she would have every guy swooning after her. Her parents said the reason almost all her friends ditched her was because she was heavy, her parents blamed every issue she ever had on her weight. This didn’t help Hannah’s depression.

        Hannah had a crush on one guy named Gary. He was nice, and cared for Hannah in a way. They got along really well, Gary was also a bit on the strange side. He liked to act like a dog, and park, he also had a tendency to bite people. Hannah ignored those facts and tried to get at least one guy to like her, so that she didn’t have to completely rule out the fact that a guy would never have feelings for her. But in the end it turned out he was crazier then she thought, and he moved away. His mom hated Hannah to, which didn’t help.

      Parents didn’t like Hannah, Hannah didn’t fully understand why. She blamed it on her outspokenness, her parents blamed it on her weight, and her brother said it was cause she was ugly. Hannah ignored that comment.

       Her brother Alex would tease Hannah mercilessly, he would even bring his friends into it. Hannah would have her whole block teasing her. Hannah’s parents sometimes even chimed in, she had about 20 people who would consistently remind her that she was heavy. They never really spent much time thinking about how it was affecting Hannah, but that was no surprise to Hannah. People rarely considered Hannah’s feelings, when Hannah had told her father this he simply said “Of course we care how you are feeling” then he changed the subject.

      Hannah’s parent’s weren’t all evil, Hannah was actually very close to her mom. But that didn’t mean that it stopped her from being hurt when her mom would help her brother torture her about her weight, or just not stop Alex from teasing her.  Hannah sometimes felt like she was living in a really bad movie, where the girl starts out at her lowest point possible but then something magical happens and everything becomes amazing. And she ended up with a happy ending, bad guy looses, good guy wins, the end.

       When things would get so bad that suicidal thoughts would creep into her mind, she would just pause. Let the world around her move. She would just sit and observe.

       And at that point a relationship was the farthest thing from her mind, she didn’t even really consider it. She didn’t even really fathom that anyone would even ever be interested. She was always the ‘friend’ nothing more. All her guy friend merely saw her as one of the guys, they would talk to her about the girl’s they liked, they asked for her advice, and Hannah did was she normally did. She told them to just let it go, it wouldn’t and they would just end up heartbroken. And she was getting kind of tired of tear stains on her sleeve. They never listened but she knew it wouldn’t be long till they came back telling her how right she was.

Author's Note

Let me know if you think I should continue writing this

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this young girl. She has some wisdom. Not rushing off to great romance. I like the description of her and her life. Now you need some great plot or deed that must be accomplished. Could be a interesting story.
Coyote

[HopelesslyDevoted]

I think you should keep writing sarah. i think hannah has been through only a small part of the long journey she has ahead of her. i don't claim to be able to always predict the future correctly, but something tells me that hannah's journey is a about to get a lot better. its only the begining. hannah just needs to realize who deserves her friendship and who doesn't. she needs realize who really loves her and who is just out to change her because she is a wonderfully unique soul. i hope hannah doesn't give up. especially, because others who are insecure of themselves and have a sick thrill of causing her pain.