Holy Human Love

Coming to terms with my once-vehement hatred for the Irish Catholic church.

For years, 

My innermost instinct was to reject 
All that referred to Christ, 
To that unholiest of deities: 
Hate, shaped into a god. 

Even at the age of five, 
Being told in school to meditate:
Imagine Christ coming to me, 
A visitor, expected but unwelcome �" 

“I don’t believe in you,” my angel-child self said, 
“You’re only here because my teacher told me to summon you.” 

“That’s okay,” He said, and so began 

The stand-off that spanned decades 

For I would grow to learn 
Of how His uncivil servants 
Would tell me I’m 
The demon 

The plague 
The cursed for committing 
That original sin of simply being 

me 

Unholy, they’d say, in His eyes 
Because I’d grow to fall in love 

with him, not her. 

How the venom would race 
Through my veins each time 
I’d venture into a church 
Should some cleaner soul than mine 
Passed on, or wed themselves 
To the right kind of beloved 

Or if, too young to have a say, 
They’d be thrown into the 
Colosseum of Christ; 
Fighting collared beasts to keep 
Their gladiator souls from harm, 
But claws and canon laws cut deep. 

And yet, one Christmastime, 

I entered a church, 
Like one my grandfather once showed me; 
Humble, where friends gathered 
To support and show love 

For a choir, pure in heart, 
Blessed us with song 
To rejoice in our love for each other, 
For we had been saved from their hate. 

Our sins had been a corrupted tale; 
A false god worshipped to advance 
Those who coveted power 
On the isle of saints, scholars, and sin. 

How powerful, beside a feeble cross, 
A rainbow flag in a church of God. 

How humbling to be welcome, 
Finally, 
By those who found light in holy human love. 

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

It is hardly surprising that congregation numbers have been falling drastically, at least they are where I live. The church for too long has not been inclusive. They need to welcome their flock. If they acted more like Jesus Christ it might encourage more to attend. Also with the scandals linked to child abuse, it has driven people away. Your poem is thought provoking and it is understandable your dislike as a child. It is pleasing to know you have now found the love and acceptance you were seeking. I enjoyed reading your lines.

Chris

[Scott De Buitléir]

Thank you so much, Chris, I'm very grateful for your comment. Yes, the Catholic Church's attendance has been falling, even here in Ireland, although many consider themselves "culturally Catholic", i.e. they still get married, baptize their children, etc., in church. Even that is changing, though, with many choosing Humanist ceremonies in rising numbers. The Christmas event was in a Church of Ireland church (i.e. part of the Protestant/Anglican community) which made the difference even more striking to me, but it is still something I have tried to put to rest within myself recently. Thank you again.

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome and it was good to read you Scott. All good wishes

Chris

[Onlyme]

I could feel your hurt and pain and indignation at being told to do this and that. No one like to be told. Particularly children. Eventually finding your own inner peace and strength within you. To venture in when you were ready you found the relationship with God in your own way. Not by authority telling you. Your bad and demonic, a plague. How cruel and nasty. Religion is run by some figures who do no good at all. They are supposed to represent God. Not run the show. And put people down. Who needs God and help. When them alone are fucked up too.

[Scott De Buitléir]

Thank you, Dawn. Faith and spirituality can be wonderful things, I think, but organised religion can often be corruptable, as we've seen with many abuse scandals in recent years. The Catholic Church in Ireland (and elsewhere) is no exception by any means, but I feel that many have told their churches that they need to own up to their errors and move with the times. We shall see...

[Onlyme]

I agree totally you Scott. I am the type of person. You don't need to got to church and pray an alter to believe in God. As like you said. Those in power. Have to admit and take fault for all the wrongs they have done. Instead they keep sweeping it under the carpet. Like Rome. they live in Gold and money. And could easily share the wealth across the world and help so many.