It's Why I Fell In Love With You

I think I caught a glimpse of breath pass by

The warmth of it faintly brushed my cheek

She was sitting there in the gazebo

talking with her friends

She looked so fun, exciting

 

I walked over to say hello

She turned to respond

and I was hooked

She was so beautiful

Her smile full of life

 

It was warm that day

We took a walk together

Over a bridge across the American

We stopped at a tree

Had to catch our breath

 

We spent some time camping together

Every night under the stars

Snuggled close, warm in our sleeping bags

Haven't been camping in a while

But I steal the blankets from her now

 

She's an amazing woman

Her patience seems to know no bounds

I know. I test her often

She just smiles that bright, warm smile

Her face so full of love and laughter

 

I think I caught a glimpse of breath pass by

Her warmth brushed my cheek

She's playful and she truly cares

She's beautiful, she knows she is

It's why I fell in love with her.

 

 

Reviews

[Ashira Macy]

Gorgeous and honest words written for what sounds like your perfect woman. I liked the simplicity of the language in this one. You didn't embellish because there was no need to, her inner and outer beauty speaks for itself. Really great work on this my friend.

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much. I almost always embellish what I write about those I love, but I didn't feel the need to with this piece. She is simple and plain in her way and I wanted to capture that. I would seem that I have. Again. thank you so much. Very happy that you liked it.

[kublakhan27]

Very sweet and heartfelt...as accurate an ode to unconditional love as one can pen...love the 'glimpse of breath' image...it made me believe that she's a part of you, with her breath as vital to you as your own...a charming story as well...there's something about camping and nights under the stars that bring out the romantic in us...this one brought a smile to my face...nicely done.

[realmwriter]

Happy to have brought a smile to your face. Glad that you liked it. There is a theme to this that is a bit deeper than the third stanza really tells of, same for the fourth one as well. Sorry though, I'll keep it to myself and leave it for people to analyze if they wish. Thank you very much. I tried and for me that's the hard part.

[AprilRN1210]

I love the sentiment in this one.. it tells us of how you met the one that stole your heart and whom you are so taken with... I think you weren't sure which way to take it, a story or a poem maybe.. it reads kinda in-between both.. I can see it going either way... very heartfelt regardless, Derick.. I like seeing mushy side of you... you two are blessed to have found each other.. :)

[realmwriter]

Icky, I don't like mushy and I am not very comfortable writing it. It shows here, the undecided part, I none the less thank you very much AprilRN I am very pleased that you liked it and it really means a lot to me.

[AprilRN1210]

oh please drop the RN... yuck.. lol
and like it I did... very much so.. I am not very comfortable with mushy either and feel it shows in my work... I can surely see that holding you back here.. It does get easier... just gottta keep at it... this was a moving piece that you did very well on.

[Lyn Anderson]

Very sweet, a nice tribute to a loved one.

[realmwriter]

She liked it too and I am very glad that you did as well. Thank you.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

I can feel the love and romance, wonderfully expressed!

[realmwriter]

Thank you so very much. I am happy that you liked it.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

You are welcome!

[R Smith]

A beautiful story of love, I like the way you tell it, it has a quality of confiding in a friend about this new love you have found, well written.

[realmwriter]

Thank you Richard. Kind of tried to write it that way but also as a memory, so to speak. Glad you liked it.

[Briana O'Connor]

I agree with Jack. This is a very great start. A bit of word play and added emotion into the scenery could really pull this piece along. Very well expressed. Thank you for sharing.

[realmwriter]

I see what you and Jack mean. Kind of just wrote it as a memory and kind of, telling a friend. But I was also telling her. I'll work on it, I think.

[Briana O'Connor]

Hey if you like it the way it is don't let others sway you. Sometimes regaudless of what others see we see it as an honest expression that if changed would deflect from its meaning. There are things that I write that I won't change its content. For example my poem Thea will not be changed no matter what, because it was a random heartfelt memory that popped into my head that I wrote down. Keep doin what your doin! You have a great talent!

[realmwriter]

I like it the way it is too but that doesn't mean that it couldn't use some work. On some pieces I am willing to change. Only because in so doing I become a better writer. In others though, I too, will not.

[Jack Wolfe]

I (steel) the blankets from her now (steal). you lay your thoughts out and expresses your scene quite well; however, you more a less just tell what happened, rather then painting it a poetic light, with the exception of, 'I think I caught a glimpse of breath pass by,The warmth of it faintly brushed my cheek' and 'I think I caught a glimpse of breath pass by, Her warmth brushed my cheek'. Your final line, though heart-felt tends to contradict the poem, are you telling me (the reader) these things or her? You switch from her to you.

[realmwriter]

As you noticed Jack I am actually telling you the reader and her. I like switching things up like that, though it may be a bit confusing for you (the reader). But as I said above. I think I will work on it a bit. See if I can't polish it up some. After all, I don't want it to be a t**d.