You Said!

You Said!

A Poem by sheila russ
"

Don't make promises...you cannot keep!

"

You said,

You would be there until the end

By my side, through thick and thin

You said,

We would never be apart

But still, you broke my heart

You said,

I was your one and only love

A gift from God in heaven above

Now I'm broken

And amongst the dead

Because you couldn't man-up to

What you said!


© 2009 sheila russ



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Reviews

I like the repetition. It gives the piece power and reflects your state
of mind.
Excellent!
Jack

Posted 8 Years Ago


I like the poem
I would cut one or two of the 'you said' which was really repetitive- like the 'you said' after 'I was your one and only love.'
Nice job

Posted 8 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Amen Shelia Russ : )

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


I like the last four lines, but none of the rest. The repetition of "You said" gets to be very, very annoying by, say, the fifth line. Also, your punctuation seems a little out of whack.
How 'bout:
"You said,
you will be there 'til the end!"
Also, in that line you confused the tenses, because "said" is past tense, and yet "will" is future. Try: "You said you would be there 'til the end!"
Also, I hate to see each line capitalized, and the obnoxiously bright font makes my eyes hurt a bit.
It was a nice idea, but it could stand to be tweaked.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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4 Reviews
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Added on November 22, 2009
Last Updated on November 22, 2009
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Author

sheila russ
sheila russ

unknown, FL



About
My name is Sheila Russ, writing is my passion and my goal is to oneday publish my writings. I also have other writings on here up under the same name sheila russ but somehow I couldn't log back into m.. more..

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