I HATE YOU

"Not everyone lives in a white picket fense or behind a rose garden"

I have so much hate in my heart for this man, I am sick and tired of him controlling my life. I don't have the freedom to go anywhere without him and I can't have friends either. I have three children with this man they are 24, 22, and 21. I couldn't be a loving mother to them when they were small, because he said I would spoil them. Now in their adult years I can't talk to them unless he is home, and I have to gaurd my words.

I have spent over 25 years in abuse with this man and now my hatred for him is turning into a violent rage. I dream, imagine and wish that he was dead, just so I can have some peace. The more he try to keep me from my children the more I hate him. People say just leave him and I did, only to come back because of treats to my family and children, so I would come back to protect them.

Now that the kids are out the house, when he leaves he ties me up or have someone come over to watch me. This same monster says that I am doing him wrong by not obeying him. He says he have done nothing wrong to anyone and gets angry if anyone says he have. When he gets angry at other people he will come home and take it out on me. If I could wish myself dead I would have died a long time ago.

I am not violent, I try to love everyone in my heart and pray for the world and the people in it. But this man makes me want to hate him so much and I don't want that in my heart. When I go to the store with him I can only look forward, because if I turn and look anywhere other than ahead that's trouble. The world could not imagine the hell that I live in, sometimes not knowing if my parents, sibling and even my kids, are dead or alive. I pray for death to come take my breath away every night.

God forgive me because I do hate this man, I wish he was dead, I wish that I had the guts to kill him. I tell a little of this story so that my living is not invain and that this will give someone else the courage to get out. I have accepted that this is my grave and that I will die in this pit of hell. So each day I pray for deliverance, protection, and for the love of God to give me strength to stay alive for my children.

This is to my abuser, my slave master, my percecutor, and my death sentence. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, AND I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Note

I want to live but as times goes by, I fear that my chances are slim.

Reviews

[Doctor JKC]

I truly wish him a quick and fitting end that harms no one else but himself.
He is now cursed.
Jack