The Suicidal Murderer

A person who ends the lives of so many, when the only life that he truly wants to end is his own. He, however, is indestructible.

Numbers in my head, numbers that don’t make sense

a random digit I write on a sheet with ink

It is a seven, my mind starts to race

To all I could relate with seven,

My daughter is seven, my address: 7 th street,

Yesterday was the seventh time I tried,

I have seven names on my list,

And a bloodstain from when the seventh one was written down.

How terribly painful to relieve someone of their life,

While you are pinned within yourself.

If I am a murderer, am I a coward too?

If I am the wolf, do the sheep scare me too?

I need water, blood is too thick

I need air, oxygen from this tank is choking me now

I need a smoke, I need a drink

I need a rope to tie myself, when I drop off the roof,

So that I don’t sprout wings that save me,

Only to be lost in everyday tomorrow,

To be lost breathing another man’s air,

To be lost relieving, cleansing eternity

Break me not, because you can’t

I’ve tried, and I never fail otherwise.

I didn’t know how long I’d survive the world,

Or how long I’d have till it rid itself of me, and me of it.

My feet lost contact with the ledge, and it was intentional,

I had stood there far too long, seen far too much,

My eyes wouldn’t open, as I anticipated the collision that lay waiting.

In a few days I woke up in a massive pit,

I sighed, brushing the dust off my coat. Tomorrow is a terror I cannot escape.

Reviews

[Elizabeth Mars]

Wow, this is quite the dark piece. I enjoy the fact that the whole poem seems to continue on and on, the thoughts of a suicidal murderer are crazed and unorganized, raw and a bit hard to follow, but I believe that tone fits the character very well. I also enjoyed how you split off the ending two lines, a moment of clear thoughts and sanity after the night of distress. Great work! Can't wait to see more!

xx. -- Elizabeth

[Arnab Gupta]

Hey Elizabeth,
I'm glad you appreciate the chaotic array of lines that I've setup (regardless of how much of that was intentional :P) and it's often that I write these in less than five minutes which explains why it's that raw. Keep reading and keep commenting.

- Love,
Arnab

[¿]

Kinda sounds like Ek Villain! Yeh film toh dekha hoga na? But your poem is thousand times more hearty than that.
Thinking of something like murder gives me goose bumps and you've written poem on it! #realexplanation
#giveusmore