The Sun Rises Over Suburbia

Out my window:

Boxlike buildings gray and worn,
Streetlights bright and blinding,
Chopped-off trees brown and dying,
Screaming signs reach up to the sky,
Rooftops peek out at the road,
Traffic that has all but slowed,
Still and silent world below,
The sky fades from black to blue.

In my heart:

Bloody battlefields red and uncaring,
Sharp objects sad and shining,
Black smoke swirling and suffocating,
A single defiant fist raised in the air,
Truth turns the swords to the ground,
Lies bleed out without a sound,
Puppet strings are all cut down,
The sky fades from black to blue.

Author's Note

This is an expression of the turmoil in my life that I am trying to end. I wrote this poem as I watched the sun rise outside my window, and I am hoping for a brighter future inside and out.

Reviews

[gloomysundays]

I loved the poem. It's expressive and I could really feel the struggle behind your words. There are a few technicalities I'd like to point out which is the capitalization of every new stanza, regardless of whether or not the sentence has ended and there being a comma before the break of every new line. Grammatically, it's incorrect.
However, that doesn't take away the fact that it's a wonderfully written poem. I very much love it. Thank you for joining my contest, by the way. Good luck and happy writing!

Cheers!
98/100

[W.k.kortas]

Actually, there's nothing grammatically incorrect about capitalizing the beginning of every new line; it's a classical poetry technique

[gloomysundays]

In traditional poetry, correct. It's not my style, though and unfortunately ruins the poem and impairs my opinion. (For me, not saying anyone else) I think the break is enough of a pause.

Unnecessary capitalization just looks foolish when it comes to the actual stylistics of the poem.

[W.k.kortas]

You're entitled to your opinion, of course--but "not my style" and "incorrect" are two very different things.

[December Blaize]

Thank you for the review, gloomysundays. I understand what you're saying, but what exactly do you think should be changed? Should I just eliminate the commas?

[gloomysundays]

W.k.kortas: The poem is still grammatically incorrect if there are unnecessary commas riddling it. My opinion regarding the capitalization still stands but my comments were to the writer of this poem, not you.

December Blaize: Place them where they are supposed to go, replace them with periods, etc. I won't tell you how to write. I'm simply assisting you.

[W.k.kortas]

When you give an opinion on a piece and state why you like or do not like something, that is helpful and useful. When you offer mis-information, it is not. As to who your comments were or were not addressed to, the commenting system offers this feature for discussion, perspective, and clarification--or the correction of mis-information.

[gloomysundays]

Well, at this point you're just trying to be a smart-a*s because you already said what you needed to say, why do you continue commenting? I gave my opinion and wrote my review. The writer could take it or leave it. At this point, I really don't care.

[W.k.kortas]

Well, I give you credit. It took you much longer to get to the ad hominem school of commentary than I thought it would.

[December Blaize]

Hey, guys, please don't argue on here! I appreciate both of you commenting but I do not appreciate the ridiculous argument.

[IAmGhost120]

I really loved the juxtaposition between the darkness and the light within. I feel like this a lot, so it's really easy for me to relate to. You've done a fantastic job here, and the words flow so easily. Your pacing's excellent, and your grammar's pretty much perfect. Fantastic!!