Thanksnerding

This is a story I wrote last Thanksgiving.

Thanksnerding 

I hate turkey. Hate it. I loathe it, detest it, despise it, and that’s the only word I can think of without using right-click thesaurus. I’ve said it before and now I’ll say it one more time: I hate turkey. My deepest hate of turkey is one of the many reasons the Green family does Thanksnerding, not Thanksgiving.

The tradition of Thanksnerding began back when my mom was still alive, before Daddy married Fiona Yvonne Green, formally Hodge, before I had my stepbrother Moe and my half-sister Jess. Back then, it was just me (Alexandra), Mom, Dad, and my little sister Gloria. A happy family, living in the Bronx. Not a dysfunctional, fighting group of six people who, under great misfortune, were forced under the same roof, living in Boston. I mean, I guess Moe is okay, for a thirteen year old (my age) boy. But Jess is only three, and already she’s a complete brat. Like mother like daughter! Fiona was two months pregnant with Jess when she and Dad got married. October 17�" barely a year after Mom died�" the day my life ended. Gloria was one year old back then. Now she’s four, sweet as can be, and she says that Jess breaks her favorite toys. But we all have to live with each other, since Fiona and Dad got married. None of us kids are pleased with this arrangement. Moe says Gloria is annoying. I think Jess is a brat. Gloria thinks me and Moe fight too much. That’s true. We could be friends if we really wanted to. But the only thing we have in common is that we both hate our stepparent.

Anyway, Thanksnerding began when I was seven years old. Mom said that spending all day in the kitchen didn’t sound like much fun to her. Dad agreed. So, we ordered in three large pizzas (complete with cheese-stuffed crust and breadsticks with sauce), and played video games, played on the computer, and watched TV and movies all day. Sometimes we’d play Mario Party, sometimes we’d watch Star Trek reruns, and sometimes we’d just play online solitaire. It didn’t matter. It was fun.

Then, two years ago, just after Gloria was born, June 8... Mom died. She went out to buy cereal and never came home. She got mugged on the way back, and she had to give them her wedding ring, plus the diamond bracelet me and Dad got her for her birthday. That wasn’t enough. They held a gun to her head, and she was killed. Just like that. It was our neighbor Rick who told us, after he found her. She was already dead when he did, no chance of recovery. We only found out what happened through eyewitnesses, who were also shot, but survived. Thanksnerding lived on.

A year or so later, my life ended. And so did Thanksnerding. Dad married Fiona last year, and does everything she asks. She has him wrapped around her finger. It’s pathetic. And Fiona wants to have a traditional Thanksgiving, with her parents (who are VERY strict Catholics. They hate me).  Now, I don’t wish to imply that I hate all Christians or anything, because I don’t. Heck, my best friend Luke is Episcopalian, and I love him to pieces. But step-grandma Yvonne and step-grandpa Harry are just ridiculous. They can’t accept that their step-granddaughter is an atheist.

So now, instead of pizza, I’m having turkey. Instead of sleeping in and watching the parade at 9, I have to clean the house. Instead of music, I’ll have to listen to my step-grandparents drone on and on about how I should go to church more often (hello! I told them I’m an atheist for a reason… I‘M AN ATHEIST!!!!). Instead of TV, I have to watch Dad kowtow to my stepmother. Instead of fighting with Dad over stars in Mario Party 8, I have to fight with Moe for the seat farthest away from Fiona’s parents (they don’t like him, for being agnostic). Instead of my comfy Snoopy and Woodstock pajamas with my Felix the Cat slippers, I have to wear a stupid dress and heels all day.

I wish it were Thanksnerding.

Reviews

[Charity]

is this true? I like it though. It got a little confusing with the whole family thing, but i had to read slower and then i got it. AWESOME!

[astoundinglyattractive]

this is good. i like the idea... maybe my family will start this...