Unjust Law

A piece about the discrimination that was once very prominent in the police force. Written for a school project and never used, more of a snippet of what could of been a much bigger production.

The two characters are Thomas and Lydia they are both police officers and have been told one of them will be promoted to head detective. Thomas is a male bigot with no respect for women however puts on a front his ignorance should undertone throughout. He is also quite stupid especially in comparison to Lydia. Lydia is incredibly intelligent carrying the wit and aura of Sherlock Holmes. Both wear formal clothes Lydia being very neat and formal with her hair in a  ponytail while Thomas is a slob, the more stains and creases in his shirt the better also his tie needs to have a white splotch of some kind from the start for the “masturbation gag”.

The set should be two office desks. The first one is at left centre stage facing inwards towards down centre stage it should be incredibly messy. Old food and documents should be strewn across the desk some even on the floor, utter chaos. The second one will be at right centre stage and face towards down centre stage. This desk will be impeccable with documents stacked very neatly in a small pile with pens and office utilities. Computers could be used if desired.

Open on Lydia in the Right centre stage desk. She will remain here for the majority of the performance doing paperwork constantly until told otherwise.

Thomas enters stage right

Thomas: Good morning… Lydia (sarcastic) how are we today?

Lydia looks up for a moment, waves, then continues doing her work

Thomas walks over to his desk humming a tune (a current musical hit which is incredibly catchy and annoying is best) make sure he takes his time walking over to the desk and as soon as he sits down have Lydia continue.

Lydia: You’ve really got to stop masturbating in the office toilets.

Thomas: Lydia, how dare you say such a thing, I would nev-

Lydia: (looks Thomas up and down once and continues working) your cuffs are rugged and your sleeve is crinkled from where you rolled up your sleeves. There is a small amount of water left over on the side of your shoe. Since today is blazing sunshine and the bathroom was just cleaned exactly 1 minute and 26 seconds ago you were in there. Also check your tie.

Thomas will move his tie directly up to his nose moving the white splotch onto his nose

Thomas: I don’t know what you are talking about Lydia; you’re just trying to get me in trouble. I know you want that promotion to head detective but you won’t get it. Did it get cold in here my nose is suddenly very cold.

Lydia: You’ve got something on your nose

Thomas then reaches up with his sleeve and wipes his nose and blows it on his sleeve like a five year old.

Lydia stops working and lies back in her chair possibly undoes her hair. While talking to Thomas

Lydia: You’re more out of place here than Hugh Hefner at the YMCA

Thomas then tries to figure out what YMCA is and spells it out three times aloud (possible to include the music for added comedy)

Thomas: YMCA (Pronounced as one word) I’ve never heard of YMCA before is that a new brand of perfume

(Offstage gravelly voice): Steve! Get in my office!

Thomas: What the hell was that? Where did it come from!

Lydia: It’s the new intercom system Thomas. The director wants to see you in his office.

Thomas: I knew that. It’s probably to commemorate me for that cat I saved from a tree

Thomas exits Stage right

Lydia: Yes, you saved a cat. By chopping down the tree with your car bumper

Lydia continues working. Fade to black. Come up with Lydia’s paperwork completely done and darker lighter to indicate a passage of time.

Thomas enters stage right wearing a badge and goes to centre

(offstage gravelly voice): Gentleman and ladies of the police force detective Thomas ignorantiam has now been promoted to head detective (applause)

Thomas: Thank you, I know I’m the best man for the job and hope to bring as many criminals in as possible

Thomas steps forward and walks over to Lydia at her desk

Lydia: (distraught) Well (3) Congratulations, Thomas.

Thomas moves over to his desk and begins shifting through the stuff at his desk and as he does Lydia will remain almost frozen sitting straight up in her chair. The lights will darken again to show a passage of time into the night.

Thomas picks up a coat and walks over to Lydia

Thomas: (yawn) Goodnight, Officer Lydia

Thomas exits stage left

Lydia reaches into her desk and pulls out a big bottle of whiskey and pours herself a shot and toasts herself

Lydia: Congratulations on becoming head detective Lydia.

Lydia downs the shot and stares at the bottle for a few seconds then grabs it and begins chugging it. Cut to black.

The lights come up on the exact same scene as at the beginning of the production

Thomas enters stage right

Thomas: Good morning… Lydia (sarcastic) how are we today?

Lydia: I’m fine, Thomas

Lydia looks up for a moment realising that the bottle is gone and begins to look around analysing the room

Thomas walks over to his desk humming a tune (a current musical hit which is incredibly catchy and annoying is best) Thomas begins working and then stops

Thomas: Lydia, what’s up? Usually this is when you tell me about how bad I’m doing my job,

Lydia stops looking and lies back in her chair undoes her hair and looks at Thomas noticing the white splodge on his tie.

Lydia: Where’s your badge Thomas?

Thomas: What badge? You know as well as I do only the head detective gets to carry his badge with him in the office. That position is still up for grabs remember, well not really I mean I’m the only real candidate

Lydia: Are you feeling an extreme amount of déjà vu today Thomas?

Thomas: no, not today

(Offstage gravelly voice): Lydia! Get in my office!

Lydia stands up and inquisitively walks out stage right

Lydia enters stage left wearing a badge and goes to centre

(at this point have a stage hand move the empty whiskey bottle back onto the stage

(Offstage gravelly voice): Ladies and Gentleman of the police force detective Lydia determinatio has now been promoted to head detective (applause)

 

Lydia will throughout this speech move back and forth and arrive at her desk sitting down and then the final line will be delivered after she sits down, falling forward onto her desk almost muttering “head detective”.

Lydia: Thank you everyone I’ve been preparing a speech for this moment since I was a little girl, I always wanted to bed head detective and I’m finally here. Thank you Mam, Thank you Dad, Thank you Thomas although you may not like me you helped me refine my analytical skills. I want everyone to know that although this is a dream I’m so happy and grateful to be head detective.