What I Really Mean (Part 2)

Saying what I really mean in my head.

The cold nips my skin,

Nearly nothing compared to the pain within,

Still, I pull on a jacket,

And sit on the steps outside the cafeteria,

My music plays so loud,

Blocking out all sound

As I put my head down,

And wrap my arms around my knees

Letting the music set the new bout of pain free

As you lean upon the metal railing

Inquiring about what is wrong with me

I don't reply

Simply unable to find the words to make the truth fly

But, what I really wish to say is...

"It hurt when you pushed me away the other day."

As you come around to stand before me,

Leaning in close to my face, your eyes dark as space

As you say my name, dragging it out endlessly,

I close my eyes, feeling the tears coming

Taking me to this dark place

What I really want to say is...

"I cannot look into your eyes innocently when you're so close"

As you lean close to my ear

Asking if what I want is to be left alone

I listen to your tone

Giving no reply

Only wishing we never have to say good-bye

But, I really wish to say...

"Please never leave me alone

Come up beside me and hold me close."

As you walk away,

Leaving me alone

I turn my music up louder, wishing you'd have stayed

I see you glancing at me on the bus

Never one to make a fuss

But, I sit alone and let the tears go

But, I wish I could say,

"Could you please come beside me and give me a kiss?"

Just wash these thoughts and pains away

They're something I truly won't miss.