Lets play Hang-man in the dark

A poem about misplaced trust and deceit...

They watch,
they smile,
they take a bow,
how many more lies til friend turns foe?

In dark rooms,
In dark circles,
In dark minds,
Tighter nooses around me bind,

A sick and twisted form of fate,
where all is lost and all's too late,
round and round they spin and dive,
how many more vowels til I die?

Author's Note

wrote this on the spot... be gentle :P

Reviews

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

i think you did an awsome job but i think it needs a little more, almost like it is not done, it works for what you are going after, but make it more personal, like me i know how the dagger of friendship pierces even the most honorable of hearts and festers until all you want to do is hide. but a brilliant read

[Graybeard]

Wow! This poem gets a late start off the blocks and then really explodes in stanza 3, especially that last line. I love it! The repetitive nature of lines 1-3 in stanzas 1 and 2 really make the poem seem like its spinning in circles...waiting, waiting and then, boom!, the end. The build-up is fantastic. The analogy is great, too. It's not overstated but it is there and, at least for me, it's a very original idea.
The only weak spot for me is line 4 of stanza 1...I think a declarative statement might work better here. Save the question for that last powerful line. It should be completely unique and come out of the blue to make it even that much more startling. As for line 4, maybe find another way to tie in the hangman imagery.
Overall great job! This will be added to my library :)

[GenMuffin7]

"how many more vowels til I die?"

that really stuck with me.

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

I like this piece... in the end it made me feel like i kept spinning and spinning and spinning... Great Job! Like Kevin said, it was short and to the point and effective.... Great Job!

[Kevin Andros]

Since you have asked to be gentle, I would say that I kind of liked it.

I was going to say that It was a splendid idea and I loved this kind of unique kind of poems. Poem was short, to the point and effective. I Was also going to say that was a superb title that you put to this poem.

But since I have to be gentle, I would simply say that I liked this and leave it at that.

;-)

~KA~