The Darkness

This is just something I wrote about the stuff I've been through, am going through, will go through, whatever...

The Darkness

The darkness
A suffocating blanket,
So full of nothingness,
It sucks the very air out of your lungs,
Sucks the thoughts out of your head,
Leaves you without passion or reason

I cannot stand the darkness,
I despise it.
Yet I hunger for it,
I thrust it away from me,
Claw upwards, towards the light,
Yet it is in the darkness that I anm strongest,
It is in the darkness where I found myself,
Made myself,
Changed myself,
That horrible, amazing, wretched and seductive darkness.

It surrounded me,
Filled every nook and cranny,
I was hurtling through it,
Wild and out of control,
Yet I was trapped,
Bound by chains eternal.
The darkness feeding off of me,
A parasite, a symbiote,
Sucking the life from me.
The darkness, so pitiful and weak,
Yet cold and strong, invincible.
And so I fashioned myself like the darkness,
I became the darkness.
I made myself into the thing that I had been thrust into,
The thing that kept me prisoner,
I could not beat it, so
Inevitably,
I joined it.

I forged within myself,
The blackest steel,
Cold as ice,
And it became my shield,
My weapon,
My very soul.
I sought to use the darkness, my gravest enemy,
To my own vantage,
But it destroyed me,
And is still doing so.

It ate me from the inside out,
Pushed away all who were near and dear,
Made me mutilate the outside,
While inside I was so full of rage and fear.
I was alone and bleeding,
I refused to nourish the evil thing within me,
So I lay there, weak,
Dancing between consciousness and dreams,
And it ate me.
My skin, scarred and gray,
Was merely a prison, keeping the thing inside of me,
And it was that thing,
That wretched thing,
That was killing me,
Yet, at the same time, the only thing keeping me alive.

I talk of the darkness as if ti is gone,
But it remains,
Still feeding off of me,
Yet, somehow, I found light,
Quite surprising, most surely unexpected,
It seemed to come from nowhere,
And its coming changed me.
This change, this new change,
Was unlike the change that I had previously brought upon myself:
That unholy union of darkness and a human soul.
This was not painful,
Yet at the time, it was,
The darkness within me fighting,
Clawing,
Gouging,
Tearing me apart.
yet the light soothed me,
Filled me with a calm that had been unknown to me,
And I then understood from whence it came.

Those whom the darkness had not been able to drive away,
Those who, despite my corruption and downfall,
Hung on to me,
Refused to let go,
Unbeknownst to me,'
Those who I didn't see.
They changed me,
Still are,
Making my ascent easier,
Helping me overcome myself.

The battle, however,
Has not been won.
Inside I am still twisted and torn,
The conflicting elements of my core,
Caught in a never-ending dance,
Two parts of myself that will wage war within me,
Until only one remains.
Sometimes, the darkness gains the upper hand,
And the small crimson beads,
Spill out of the strawberry gashes,
And stain my skin.
Sometimes the darkness refuses to let anything in,
So I become weak,
Malnourished.
But sometimes, though not very often,
The light begins to win,
Just for a little while,
And the colours seem brighter,
Life does not seem so harsh,
And I begin to smile.
Oh to smile, to truly smile!
Such a small thing, yet so rare
That it has become precious to me.

You see,
There is no reason behind my writing this,
It does not make me feel better or worse,
Does not affect the battle being waged within me,
And nor will it affect anyone else.
But that does not matter,
Because reason, most often than not,
Is merely an illusion,
Something that we convince ourselves is there,
Guiding us,
SO that we may feel important,
That we me feel like there is a reason for this thing that we call existence,
Or at the very least, so that we may not feel unimportant.
In reading this, you may see yourself,
Or someone you know,
Or no one at all.
I do not care.
I do not care of anyone reads this,
Or likes this,
Or hates this.
This is nothing but a gathering of words,
Shaped and molded,
To tell a story,
A pathetic story, one that has no hero, no villain
No beginning, and no real end.
But it is MY story,
A reflection of me, And of anyone else's thoughts on this,
I simply do not care

Reviews

[Dianna Reneé]

This is an amazing poem.
It flows really well
And has a great moral to it.
Everyone is full of both light and dark.
It's what we want people to see, though,
That shines in us all.

(( Side note:: Kinda makes me think of the Kingdom Hearts series ))

[Poeticpiers]

A heartfelt spill of words and emotions depicting the battle we all must fight until we realise There is no need.We must accept that we are composed of light and dark No man is perfect. Once you cease to struggle with yourself and find you can love youreslef warts and all. You may find peace of mind to be what you are no more and no less