Welcome to the nut house

An account of patients in the mental hospital in the late 60's... Who killed her fiance... Was it her, or was it him... or did he even exsist at all?

"He exists now, only in my memory; unclear and cloudy in the difference of then and now. As I grow older, the distant silhouette I had so desperately tried to hang onto fades further and further into the distance of time. I was young, we were young, and he still is, somewhere on the other side.

A future planned together ; grow up, graduate, move out, get married; all gone. Stolen by a single bullet to the chest. Each day I see his beautiful smile in my mind, but it grows duller and further away. But the one thing that will never fade, wait no, two things that will never fade are his voice, and the feeling of complete and utter safety in the warmth of his embrace. That's one thing I don't think anyone who's truly in love could forget... The feeling of unwavering warmth and protection in his arms as he tells you everything will be okay..." Veronica's words tapered off as she smiled half heartedly through the tears to her doctor.

The stern doctor just glanced at her briefly and returned his gaze to the paper he was scribbling intently on, "Now, Veronica, if you are innocent as you claim, do you know who killed your fiancé?"

She frowned, "I already told you doctor. It was that no good son of a f*****g b***h Benjamin you fuckers stuck me in this god damned place with. Do you have any idea the things that sick b*****d says to me?"

"I see, Miss. You may go, relax a while. Do you mind sending Benjamin to me? I wish to speak to him." he glanced up at her, watching her close her eyes.

"Of course, no guarantee he'll cooperate though." With that, Veronica left. Brief moments of silence passed, and Benjamin replaced Veronica.

"Listen doc, ya gotta get me outta here. That crazy b***h is tryina accuse me of a murder she committed. No one here is any better. There's a man in the main room whispering to 'satan ' in the corner, I saw at least 3 f****n' rats this mornin' and quite frankly, doc, the entire place smells like piss and s**t." Benjamin ranted, his deep Brooklyn accent a major contrast to Veronica's sweet southern drawl.

"If you didn't murder her fiancé, who did?" The Doctor ignored his endless complaints.

"I already told ya, yeah? Veronica, she's a basket case.Complete crazy b***h if I've ever seen one." Suddenly, a shrill scream came from his mouth, slapping himself across the face, nails digging across his face, drawing blood. He began to convulse in violent fits knocking things over with two voices coming from the one man's body. The man began hitting his head against things.

The guards ran in, restraining him as he fought to get loose. As he was pulled out of the room, he looked at the doctor and screamed in that sweet southern drawl the doctor has come to know as Veronica, "See, I told you doctor. He's trying to blame me!"

The doctor picked up the small recorder and sighed into it, "Patient Scott Harald, session two. The schizophrenic still thinks someone killed the fiancé, who doesn't exist. We believe this is a product of one personality being overpowered by the new medication, due to the fact that 'Corey' hasn't shown himself since the beginning of the new

treatment . More information to come.”

Author's Note

I wrote this for school, so I went through and changed some of the dialouge... more realistic.

Reviews

[MuteB912]

An interesting piece you have here. Your characters have their own unique voice which is great because it brings more life to them. There are a few things I'd like to point out about your work. Your story structure is a bit off. There's little too much spacing in between paragraphs, especially in the first bit of dialogue. Generally you don't want too much spacing in between dialogue because it can cause a bit of confusion. Nothing major though. For your characters, again, there's great voice variety, but I had a difficult time connecting with them and their environment. Maybe try adding in some physical descriptions of the characters? What will help bring your characters to life is showing their body language. While Benjamin is ranting on about how much he hates the hospital, you could show his discomfort through his body language as well. Maybe he crinkles his nose in disgust when he says the hospital smells like piss. He may also have a reaction when the doctor ignores his comments. He may clench his jaw, or tighten his fists. Judging by his character, he might even snap back at the doctor for ignoring his complaints- from what I see, to Benjamin, being stuck in this hospital is a big deal. The patient doesn't know he's got some loose screws so being stuck in the hospital should raise some questions from him (and all of his personalities really). Another thing, I found myself pretty confused for most of the story. I can see where that can be intentional, and in some cases, it's fine, but when confusing a reader it's best to slowly bring all the pieces together so by the end the reader gets it. Even though some of the questions raised were answered, most of them weren't. For example: how does a medication only overpower one personality? Why does it seem like the doctor is more concerned about the patient's delusions than the patient himself? Why only mention Cory at the end? Why doesn't the doctor ask where Cory is since he's wondering about that? those are just some questions raised. Descriptions would help you in this case a lot and a bit more dialogue. One last comment of mine is I was confused by the diagnosis because schizophrenia doesn't cause people to have split personalities. Schizophrenia only involves someone being 'split off' from reality. Number one thing writers must always do is research what they're writing about before they put it in their story. An interesting idea indeed! I hope you continue to develop this piece. :)