I hate you.

My feelings towards a certain person.

I hate hearing your stupid name

I hate the fact that you think everything is just a game.

 

I hate it when you decided to call

I hate that just hearing your voice can make me fall.

 

I hate your dorky glasses and your spiky hair

I hate it when I see you, because I just can't help but stare.

 

I hate it when I remember those special nights

The songs you wrote, your stupid laugh and even more our fights.

 

I hate that all you ever did was lie

But I love that at last, I can say Goodbye.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Hm, does it flow?

Reviews

[Pinky]

yes it flows... its good... yet again i wrote some thing kinda ike this 8 years ago after a bad break up. I dont have it yet... i love it! yet again good job!

[TheodoreBlack]

I like this. It's a good write. Great emotion throughout. Honest tone. Simple presentation.

In answer to your specific question, does it flow? Yes, I'd say that it pretty much does. The second line of the first stanza is a bit of a mouthfull. You've used a lot of what I'd call 'connecting words'.

Only speaking for myself now, and I'm no expert, when I have this problem I try to bounce around with the syntax and the phrasing. Try dropping words and see if the sense still carries. Try replacing words with alternative words of similar, if not the same, meaning. You probably do this already, but read the poem outloud. Read it standing up. Read it sitting down. Read it walking around the room. Read it loud. Read it quiet. Fast. Slow. Change the context of it. See how the flow holds up. I like to read my poems back with contempt. Throw the lines away. See if they still have value. Anything sounds impressive when you read it like it's Shakespeare... really, try it with the back of the Corn Flakes box - it'll sound grand as all hell! ;)

I love the final line. You give it an upbeat ending of hope. Nicely done. As I read the poem I felt that your anger was as much with yourself for giving a damn still (Christ! We've all been there!), as it was with him for making you so angry. The final line made me feel that you'd at least left some of that anger against yourself behind :)

[w. r.]

you = talented. me = not talented.

FACT.

[-Adam-]

I'm just going to tell you that I love what you have wrote. Your style is very similar to mine. I read the rest of your work, and it looks like most comes from a past influence. That is mine as well, even though I only have one on here so far. I can't wait to read some more.
-Adam-

[pdc]

I like this. Though smile somewhat I did realizing I too have been hated... as in turn hated others. Love being odd that way. pdc

[iconoclast]

wow..analytically speaking, the rhymes were not forced nor contorted as you did not lack the elements of an emotionally inclined verse..its clever n better yet speaks poignantly though the expressions were somehow direct, you were able to achieve that special poetic effect!

[Aidan Cooney]

It does. :P

[Dillon Ashbury]

I love it! It flows nicely , and although short and to the point, which it what you seem to have a talent for, it tells a great story of simply moving on. Congrats!

[xxCrashingxx]

wow i reallly like this one. you have talent.

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