Fear

Always feeling like you are not good enough is the worst feeling ever

I wake up everyday and hope that maybe today will be the day that I feel like maybe I am good enough. That maybe I deserve what I have, rather I just feel like it is out f petty that I have what I have. I really try my best to keep things together but no one is perfect so I am bound to mess up. I wish that sometimes someone would just look at me and say that it is okay. That I don't have to get everything right the first time around. I wish people  had more patience and they just understood that I do not intentionally f**k up. Sadly this is not the case. I feel like people are on the look out, just waiting for me to slip so they can attack me and make me feel bad. I don't know if I might be over thinking the situation but I just feel like things would be so much better if people understood that I can never do everything the right way. I wish I had the strength to point out to someone when I felt they were being unfair, But I never do it because I feel that they will just leave me. As a result I just stay quiet because way too many people have avoided me because they feel that I have a smart mouth. I am scared of loosing anyone so I sit and take the blame hoping that maybe this time won't hurt as much as the previous time ....

Author's Note

to be continued...