Is this the cure?

Is this the cure?

A Poem by zaisham9393

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IS THIS THE CURE?

 

Is this the cure?

Is this what we are looking for?

Do you feel alone?

Take a pill and it’s all gone

 

And you wake up

Sipping the broken mug

When things go wrong

Take a pill and trouble’s gone

 

What is happening to me?

I don’t know; but you feel the same as me

But, who cares? When it’s too much to take?

Doesn’t matter if it’s true or fake

 

So, we choose to push it under the rug

Accepting the abuse, the pain and drug

Then when we can’t take it

We always find a way to fake it

 

So, take a pill and pretend it’s gone

Life goes on, even we can't move on

So, we just numb the pain

But it will keep coming back again.

 

Have you ever thought?

What is happening to us?

Is this the answer?

 

Are you scared?

Will we ever wake up?

And see what is happening?

 

Can’t you see? Watch the signs

Look around and read between the lines

There is more to life than the stupid gossips

But when we are consumed by it, it’s hard to quit

 

What is happening around us?

Is it not that important to discuss?

Temporary cure, but a permanent damage

Covering the deep wounds with a strip of bandage

 

Take a pill when my mind is a mess

Bury the storm, no time to confront or confess

Cut through argument it just won’t stop; is this the answer?

Won’t wait for the question, let it spread like cancer

 

Will we forgive ourselves?

For lying and putting ourselves through hell

the stigma attached to my name

 Can’t speak, the fear of,’ hall of shame’


Can’t you see what is happening?

All we know is that we are all drowning

Pop a pill to fight the pain

Hoping, to feel alive again

 

One drink and then the other and then the other

Take a pill and forget the trouble

Is this the solution to every problem?

Every problem leads to another question

Are we on the right track, or headed to the wrong direction?







© 2017 zaisham9393



Author's Note

zaisham9393
Hope you like it!
Thank you so much :) !
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Featured Review

This poem helps the reader see that the issues that people often consider to be "personal" are actually rather societal. Their are the problems of our humanity, but because people tend to believe that something is wrong with THEM - not the society - they are shameful and try to suppress the clear signs of troubled humanity.

THese lines cut it right through:

"What is happening around us?
Is it not that important to discuss?"

Great way to encourage a converstion. Also, I like that you use questions throughout the poem, as it also makes the reader question themselves.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

zaisham9393

7 Months Ago

It's always great to know that someone understands your point of view.Thank you so much for the revi.. read more



Reviews

This poem helps the reader see that the issues that people often consider to be "personal" are actually rather societal. Their are the problems of our humanity, but because people tend to believe that something is wrong with THEM - not the society - they are shameful and try to suppress the clear signs of troubled humanity.

THese lines cut it right through:

"What is happening around us?
Is it not that important to discuss?"

Great way to encourage a converstion. Also, I like that you use questions throughout the poem, as it also makes the reader question themselves.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

zaisham9393

7 Months Ago

It's always great to know that someone understands your point of view.Thank you so much for the revi.. read more
Will we forgive ourselves?

For lying and putting ourselves through hell

the stigma attached to my name

Can’t speak, the fear of,’ hall of shame’
- great one

Posted 8 Months Ago


Nice! What a great piece for reflection and introspection. So true, we are in an 'immediate fix' era. Instant gratification. Instant reward. Instant fix. Take a pill...make it go away. No patience. No problem solving skills. No endurance. Nicely done.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

zaisham9393

8 Months Ago

Thank you so much for the review :)!It means a lot to me :)!
"Is this the cure?
Is this what we are looking for?
Do you feel alone?
Take a pill and it’s all gone" - The initial bitterness of this is nicely done. I like the questions you posed, it really jumpstarts the imagination right off the bat.

"And you wake up
Sipping the broken mug
When things go wrong
Take a pill and trouble’s gone" - The repetition of the 'take a pill' portion is really well done, gets the tone across nicely. 'sipping a broken mug' is a really nice line.

"What is happening to me?
I don’t know; but you feel the same as me
But, who cares? When it’s too much to take?
Doesn’t matter if it’s true or fake" - The 'but you feel the same as me' portion, I felt, disrupts the flow a bit, it's a little obscure I thought. Is 'when it's too much to take' supposed to be a question?

"So, we choose to push it under the rug
Accepting the abuse, the pain and drug
Then when we can’t take it
We always find a way to fake it" - Be wary of cliche statements. Find a fresh way to say the same thing. The abuse and drugs line, I liked a lot because of how raw it sounds to the ear.

"So, take a pill and pretend it’s gone
Life goes on, even we can't move on
So, we just numb the pain
But it will keep coming back again." - I am often wary of rhyming in poems because more often than not it disrupts the authors ability to chose words that might work better than what's there simply because it rhymes, but If it's your absolute intended wording, then pay me no mind.

"
Have you ever thought?
What is happening to us?
Is this the answer?" - I felt this stanza was a little redundant.


"Are you scared?
Will we ever wake up?
And see what is happening?" - These are some really good questions! Really got me thinking.

"Can’t you see? Watch the signs
Look around and read between the lines
There is more to life than the stupid gossips
But when we are consumed by it, it’s hard to quit" - I felt this stanza was a little wordy. It didn't read quite as well as some of the others. 'Stupid gossips' sounds clunky, and if you chose to keep it, it would need to be corrected to 'Stupid gossip.'

"What is happening around us?
Is it not that important to discuss?
Temporary cure, but a permanent damage
Covering the deep wounds with a strip of bandage" - this is another line where I felt the rhyming didn't work. It made the tone feel a bit scattered. Also note that each line is a new sentence. The poem sounds very choppy as is, if that's your intention, pay me no mind, but if not, consider restructuring your sentences.

"Take a pill when my mind is a mess
Bury the storm, no time to confront or confess
Cut through argument it just won’t stop; is this the answer?
Won’t wait for the question, let it spread like cancer"

- another stanza where the rhyme scheme was distracting from the content. I like the storm line a lot but didn't feel the need to rhyme the rest of the lines.

"Will we forgive ourselves?
For lying and putting ourselves through hell
the stigma attached to my name
Can’t speak, the fear of,’ hall of shame’" - here the piece doesn't seem to rhyme, and it disrupts the consistency of the piece. I like what you're saying and I like the words you use.

"Can’t you see what is happening?
All we know is that we are all drowning
Pop a pill to fight the pain
Hoping, to feel alive again" - I like the repetition as far as the pill usage goes. I would like to see that throughout the piece.

"One drink and then the other and then the other
Take a pill and forget the trouble
Is this the solution to every problem?
Every problem leads to another question
Are we on the right track, or headed to the wrong direction?" - Here I have some structure/word choice suggestions:

'One drink and then another and then another'

that would read easier.

Overall, I see some structure things you might want to take another look at. Content wise I thought the piece hit it's intended mark minus the rhyme scheme and the inconsistency. Well done. Write on!

-Rynn



Posted 8 Months Ago


The flow of this piece is really nice.The message comes through to the reader beautifully

Posted 8 Months Ago


Wow! Powerful write! I think you nailed it! I liked the rhyme interwoven. It had its own beat as I read it! Strong message!
Love!!
Tabby

Posted 8 Months Ago


Very poignant words ...there is no solution in drugs, pills or alcohol, you make strong points in a very effective way. I hope your words help and inspire!
Great piece.

Posted 8 Months Ago


This is pretty good, Z. The subject matter is handled very well and the visual of the poem, whether intentional or not is striking. The rhyme scheme is off in a couple of spots, but that is a minor repair. Good write.

Posted 8 Months Ago


Drinking can become a easy safe place. Your words honest and true. No answer or peace found in the shot of whiskey. I believe drugs or whiskey. Both dead-ends. Thank you for sharing the powerful poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Months Ago


A really strong poem. Speaking vary true words.

Posted 8 Months Ago



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Added on February 24, 2017
Last Updated on February 27, 2017

Author

zaisham9393
zaisham9393

About
Hi, I am Zaisha. Well, I would start by saying that writing is one of my passions, and a way to cope with feeling overwhelmed. Also, I have been working on improving my writing skills and this woul.. more..

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