Diaries of a nerd

Diaries of a nerd :::

There is a vast expanse of land stretched out in front of me, so vast that my eyes can hardly take in the entire landscape at a time. There is green grass all around and an ancient looking tree is standing in the middle. As I see the sun setting behind the mountains, there are fireflies flying all around the place �" probably to make sure that there is a source of light in the region at all times.

 

I look at the faces of six of my guild members to find out if any of them has figured out any vital strategy for the combat. We are supposed to fight a demon here �" as per the task that has been allotted to us. But the surroundings appear unusually calm for a combat. This might be a strategy to catch us off-guard and defeat us.

 

A little while later, the ground starts to shake, and the birds perched atop the ancient tree fly away due to the impact. A huge demon with an army of its cronies comes running towards us from a distance. The archer in our guild starts to release arrows in the direction of the approaching army. A few among the army of cronies lose their lives. The archer climbs up the ancient tree to find a viable position to shoot arrows when the army reaches us.The rest of us brace ourselves for the impending attack and unsheathe our weapons from their scabbards. I unsheathe my sword and its blade gleams in the dark, as if waiting for its kill. The army approaches us, and we attack it with all our might. As we try to kill the cronies, the demon tries to kill us with its attacks.

 

We plan to disperse and attack. A few would handle the army and the others would attack the demon. I watch the person I love, focus on attacking the demon with two of our guild members. And I am distracted for a moment, worrying about her safety. One of the cronies attacks me, and I kill it with one hit of my sword. I decide to kill all the cronies, with the help of two other guild members and then we could help the ones attacking the demon.A few minutes later, all the cronies lie dead before us and we run towards the demon. It is rendered half dead by the attacks inflicted on it. The moment it plans to attack my love, I hit it with my sword. I have all its attention for a moment while the others inflict attacks on it from various directions. After surviving two of its major attacks, we manage to kill the demon and complete our mission.

 

The seven of us sit under the ancient tree, among the fireflies and bask in the tranquillity of the air surrounding us. It is time for us to return to our homes and embark on a new mission later.

 

“So, it was another sweet victory, wasn’t it?” pops a text on my phone the moment I reach home.
“It sure was,” I send a reply.
“Looking forward to play again tomorrow,” pops up another text.

 

I smile as I realise that the seven of us �" no matter how far apart we might be in our real world, share some time together in the virtual world via the MMORPG that we play together. We were a close-knit group of friends back in school, and now each one of us is in a different city. But there’s a different world where we meet up once everyday and make memories which we would reminisce about, probably years later from now.

Author's Note

enjoy

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This one surprised me. I'm not a fan of battle stories (too much violence in our world without fighting as entertainment) & I've never played a video game in my long life. I wasn't expecting to find much to redeem this story (in my heart), as I was reading along (even tho the mechanics of your writing & storytelling are strong) . . . but then the ending turned everything around for me. I very much admire your clever approach to this topic & I didn't see the ending coming, which is always a good thing when there's a fun twist to a story! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[danny]

thanks very much

[Karen Redburn]

Now, you have not mentioned critique. I can give you a few ideas to clean it up if you're interested.

1. Watch your repeat words use. i.e. "any, us and vast". When the same word appears in side by side sentences it dulls the writing.

2. You wrote: A little while later, the ground starts to shake, and the birds perched atop the ancient tree fly away due to the impact

Alternative: Later, the ground shakes and birds perched atop the ancient tree take to flight. (no need to lead the reader, we get it. When the ground shakes, startled, the birds fly away).

3. I saw the twist coming not too far into the read. Work needs doing on fooling the reader :)

Hope I didn't cause any offence with this review. I have run the gauntlet and can pick out a few of my own errors in your writing. Cheers!

[Karen Redburn]

Awe, what a sweet story on friendships that benefit from technology and remain healthy despite distance. Sharing this personal diary of a nerd certainly brings a smile. Cheers!

[danny]

oh as if it's crap just trying my hand at giving a story a quick twist

[Karen Redburn]

No... it's a work in progress :)