100 % Review Forum

Sheila stood in the doorway captured by the look on

i posted a poem using the words, hope its good!

Would you please edit my story ...
ACROSS THE BRIDGE, TO and FRO

John,

Ok, here's the plan. Find out where your friend is going and mail yourself there. The best surprise.  When they open it up and find your dried corpse in a box, Not to mention the sickly sweet pungent smell (they will NEVER get the smell out of the furniture) they will really be sorry they left.  How's that for getting even!

Seriously though.  People move on, accentuate the positives for you.  these things have a way of working out in he long run.

Some of you younger ones may or may not appreciate the music of the Eagles.  Surely, you've heard of them from your parent's music stash.  To Kit Kat's point, even Jackson Browne (major song writer in the 70's) had trouble rhyming lyrics to the song "Take It Easy"...He gave the song to Eagles member Glenn Frey.  As the story goes, Browne was having trouble rhyming the lyrics so Frey added "it's a girl my Lord".......  Then it became one of the Eagles greatest hits on the debut album!     Well, I'm a standin' on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
and such a fine sight to see:
it's a girl, my Lord, in a flat bed Ford
slowin' down to take a look at me.
  The moral of the story is that it is good to collaberate sometimes! 

I agree with you all and will support the 'newbies'.
I never before left a review as i did a day ago. The other reviewer said the poem needed work..i said the same but also said what i liked about the poem it was from the heart and about the loss of someone close.
I felt so bad when i read the writer's comment,,' I know it needs work would you people plz quit telling me?'
I sent an apology as i thought who am i to say this? My writing needs work too .. so i will never again do that!
I would  not want to discourage anyone from writing.

I think this is a good group for the newbies.

Chloe

Welcome group members... Im here to wake you guys up!!! I have been absent from the group, but i havn't forgotten about it. I still want to hear from you all, a brief but creative introduction of your selves... And look out for a new contest... ; )

Well, I'm like you, I'll ignore them but I haven't seen any problems.

Dialogue


For the most part, Domenic has nailed it. Dialogue is perhaps the hardest part of fiction, as it can make or break the story. You may have written a masterpiece, with brilliant displays of imagery, near perfect characterization, and a plot that just leaves the audience in awe at your genius. However, a couple hundred lines of bad dialogue, and, well, that flushes your masterpiece right down the toilet.
     As Domenic said, the best way to learn dialogue is by listening to those around you, which is true, but it goes a bit further. Here are three methods to create dialogue, and it is not always easy. Nevertheless, writing, although enjoyable, is hard work.


(1) Listen to those around you, as stated above. Listen to different dialects and slang to form unique characters. However, here is the hard part. Professional dialogue. Not all of us know doctors or lawyers or police detectives etc., but a lot of fiction includes these fields. If you are not fortunate enough to know or have an influence by anyone in a particular profession on a daily basis, you have some work to do. If you are writing a book about a crime scene investigator or a fireman, contact one of the local agencies and see if you can set-up a ride-along or arrange a day or so that you can spend time around these individuals and take notes. Lots and lots of notes, never forget that. Also, take into account dialect. If you are from the South and are writing characters from the East, West, and North or even from another country, research and learn. Download audio, video, or even both and study up on the history and people of the region.
     One big NO, is never go by what you see and hear on television or in movies, most of this tends to be stereotyped. While some movies are written with excellent realistic dialogue, Hollywood often has a flare for the dramatic.


(2) Read! As writers, we generally write in the genre in which we prefer reading. This is good for dos and don’ts. Read as many authors as you can in the genre you are writing to get the feel of how these characters are portrayed through dialogue. This is where you compare with your notes from the above method to see if the dialogue in the novel jives with the real world lingo that you have observed. Sometimes you can settle on a happy medium. The goal is to make your fictional characters sound as true to life as possible. You will never have perfect dialogue, but you can get close.


(3) Give a mindset of how a character speaks before they speak. In this, I mean build them up a little. Say you have a character named Louie heading out to meet Tony, a new character you are about to introduce. Tony may or may not be of major importance, but the meeting more than likely is, as you are including it in the body of your work. Use Louie’s internal monologue to give us an idea about how Tony may speak. You don’t have to give us Tony’s life history or the time he got his head stuck in the monkey bars when he was kid, but just a little taste of who he is and how his mind works. As Domenic pointed out, even minor characters, if they are speaking, need only to speak if it contributes to the work in some way.

Two more quick notes on dialogue. As mentioned by Domenic, the dreaded elliptical burst (…). While ellipses are good for a trailed off sentence, both in prose and in dialogue, they can be overused.

“I…I…t…t…thought you l…l…loved me,” Wayne stuttered. Never do this.

“I-I t-t-thought you l-l-loved me,” Wayne stuttered. This is correct..


“I…can’t…go on…much…longer…the pain…is…so…intense,” Bill cried out as his life drew to an end.

Nope. We don’t talk like that. Sounds like William Shatner as Captain Kirk or that poor Bill just ate a couple blocks of cheese and is constipated. Short, quick sentences will work here as well as commas. But I cry no one uses the example above with either. This doesn’t mean that ellipses cannot be used in some instances. Just don’t over use them.

. “I was just… I was just hoping that we could maybe spend a little more time together before you ran off this time.“

“I like the dress, really, I do, but you know,” Tori said, focusing on the television, the walls, anything to keep her eyes from meeting his.
Those are two correct examples above.

My last penny to throw in before I go is dialogue attribution and the -ly adverb. On a whole, -ly’s weaken prose; however, they cannot be avoided all of the time except for when it comes to dialogue attribution.


“No, Kitty! That’s my pot pie!” The chubby kid shouted angrily (NO, NO, NO)  

The dialogue itself should state that kid is angry as well as the prose leading up to this outburst depicting his mood.

The best of all is simply: He said/ she said or asked etc.  

Even   Joe gasped or Lisa grated are frowned on, but are more acceptable than the -ly. I am guilty of the above, but I know that once I do a final draft it will take care of it. I hope this helps. For more details, check out William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White’s Elements of Style and Stephen King’s On Writing. These are two top of the shelf guides for aspiring writers.

Hi..
Really nice...
Inspiring...

im 12 too and im a really good writer i have currently decided to take of the prologue training wheels and start working on my chapters so we really relate

but where is the central forum

YEs...True

hmmm... I'd have to say either Godsmack or Disturbed.....or maybe pantera.....IDK!!! I can't decide! I know too many good bands!

Tony was in the Korean War with my brother Alfonso and both of them passed away this March. I can't believe they're gone.

I listen to alot of ABR, ASILD, ADTR, some Vanna, getting into We are the Ocean, Sonic Syndicate is another pretty good one.   Scar Symmtery is the best death metal band around, no matter what you guys say.

A song of chapters of nursery rhymes that i've heard as a little kid /+ = chorus   Ring around the rosies Pocketful of posies Ashes, ashes we all fall down (2x) /nursery rhymes are said verses in my head. All from the chapters that i've spoon fed. Hidden violence revealed, darkness that seems real. Look at the pages that cause all this evil. One, two buckle my shoe three, four shut the door five, six pick up sticks seven, eight lay them straight. London bridges falling down falling down falling down. London bridges falling down my fair lady.   /Nursery rhymes are said  verses in my head From the chapters that i've been spoon fed. Hidden violence revealed Darkness that seems real Look at the pages that cause all this evil   Knick knack paddywack give a dog a bone this old man came rolling home (5x) knick knack paddywack give a dog a bone this old man came...   mary had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow. (repeat, plus another rhyme at the same time)   baa, baa black sheep have you any wool? (Repeat both rhymes)   MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB! (yes sir, yes sir. three bags full) (repeat both rhymes again)   Ring around the rosies pocketful of posies ashes, ashes we all fall down. (repeat)   CHORUS   Knick knack paddywack give a dog bone (3x) Knick knack paddywack give a dog a....   END                        Riff Master

awe Katie thats so cute and it definitely made me smile. Ill keep that in mind next time im hurt.

Glad you joined! And we should be able to communicate properly, have fun and help each other out!